The Back up Dan

INTO THE SCANDALOUS LIVES OF MANHATTAN'S ELITE. I LOVE YOU, DAN HUMPHREY. SERENA... I REALLY HOPE WE CAN TALK LATER. CHARLIE! I'M SORRY. I THOUGHT YOU WERE CHARLOTTE RHODES. I AM, YEAH. PEOPLE CALL ME "LOLA." AND YOU ARE? LOOKING FOR A DIFFERENT CHARLOTTE RHODES. IF THEY EVER FOUND OUT THE TRUTH ABOUT THE REAL CHARLOTTE RHODES, THEY WOULD NEVER FORGIVE ME. I'M, UH... NATE ARCHIBALD. YEAH. I WORKED YOUR OFFICE CHRISTMAS PARTY, REMEMBER? "A TRUE AMERICAN PRINCESS"? "THE NEXT DIANA"? IF THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE HER HAPPIEST DAY, THEN I CAN'T WAIT TO RAIN ALL OVER HER PARADE. WHY DO YOU NEED THIS? WHAT'S THE POINT OF DOING SOMETHING SCANDALOUS IF YOU DON'T RECORD IT? (Blair) OF COURSE I LOVE YOU, CHUCK. I'VE ALWAYS LOVED YOU. I LOVE YOU MORE AND MORE EVERY DAY, IF IT'S EVEN POSSIBLE TO LOVE SOMEONE THAT MUCH. FROM THIS MOMENT FORWARD, THERE IS NOTHING BETWEEN US BUT A CONTRACT. OUR MARRIAGE IS ALL FOR SHOW, AND YOU'RE GOING TO PUT ON THE BEST DAMN SHOW ANYONE EVER HAS. THIS WAS THE ONLY CAR WITH THE KEYS IN IT. IT'S FINE. JUST GO. YOU KNOW YOU LOVE ME... X.O.X.O., GOSSIP GIRL. AND WHO AM I? THAT'S A SECRET I'LL NEVER TELL. YOU KNOW YOU LOVE ME. X.O.X.O., GOSSIP GIRL. Captioned by Closed Captioning Services, Inc. (Madonna's "Like a ***" playing) (Gossip Girl) EVERYONE WANTS THEIR WEDDING TO BE PERFECT. (Madonna) ♪ I MADE IT THROUGH THE WILDERNESS ♪ (Gossip Girl) BUT ON THE UPPER EAST SIDE, PERFECT ISN'T GOOD ENOUGH. (Madonna) ♪ DIDN'T KNOW HOW LOST I WAS ♪ (Gossip Girl) ALTHOUGH SOME DISASTERS CAN'T BE AVOIDED. EXCUSE ME. HAVE YOU SEEN THE BRIDE? NO. SORRY. RUFUS, MOM, HEY, DO YOU GUYS KNOW WHERE BLAIR IS? NO, I'VE NOT SEEN HER SINCE THE NEWLYWEDS' LAST DANCE. AND WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN, YOUNG LADY? YOUR MOTHER AND I HAVE BEEN SHOWING OFF OUR MOVES ON THE DANCE FLOOR, AND YOU AND DAN SHOULD JOIN US. OH, THAT SOUNDS GREAT, EXCEPT I HAVE TO FIND BLAIR. ALL RIGHT, SUIT YOURSELF. HEY. HI. ELEANOR, DO YOU KNOW WHERE BLAIR IS? I HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE TO TRACK HER DOWN. OH, I'M SURE SHE AND LOUIS ARE OFF HAVING A PRIVATE MOMENT TO LET IT ALL SOAK IN BEFORE MAKING THEIR GRAND EXIT. OKAY. SERENA? BLAIR SEEMS HAPPY, DOESN'T SHE, WITH LOUIS? OF COURSE. I MEAN, SHE--SHE LOVES LOUIS, AND SHE'S A PRINCESS NOW. MM. SO YOU KNOW, AS SOON AS THAT SOAKS IN, I'M SURE SHE'LL BE BEYOND HAPPY. I HOPE SO. THAT'S ALL I WANT-- IS FOR HER TO BE HAPPY. I HOPE SHE KNOWS THAT. I'M SURE SHE DOES. ENJOY. ♪ YEAH, YOU MAKE ME BOLD ♪ ♪ OH, YOUR LOVE THAWED OUT ♪ THANK YOU FOR COMING. I'LL TELL BLAIR YOU SAID GOOD-BYE. OH, I WAS WORRIED YOU LEFT FOR YOUR HONEYMOON ALREADY. OH. PLEASE TELL ME YOU KNOW WHERE BLAIR IS. I, UH, I BELIEVE SHE WENT TO THE POWDER ROOM TO FRESHEN UP. OKAY, I-I WON'T KEEP HER LONG. I KNOW YOU GUYS HAVE TO LEAVE SOON. OKAY. BUT NO MATTER HOW YOU MIGHT PLAN FOR PERFECTION, THERE'S ALWAYS A HITCH. (Madonna) ♪ LIKE A *** ♪ BLAIR CONFESSING HER LOVE FOR CHUCK AT HER OWN WEDDING IS THE BEST THING TO HAPPEN TO "GOSSIP GIRL" IN YEARS. SO THIS IS THE BIG SCANDAL YOU WANTED? NOT QUITE. BLAIR STILL MARRIED THE TWERP. BUT SHE LEFT THE RECEPTION EARLY. SOMETHING'S WRONG. I JUST HAVE TO FIGURE OUT WHAT IT IS. RIGHT NOW? AREN'T YOU EXHAUSTED? (chuckles) ON THE CONTRARY. I'VE NEVER FELT MORE INVIGORATED. (indistinct conversations) I CAN'T FIND BLAIR ANYWHERE. I CHECKED EVERY STALL IN THE BUILDING. DID YOU CHECK HER ROOM UPSTAIRS? THREE TIMES. I EVEN HAD SECURITY LOOK AT THE ROOF. WHY WOULD SHE BE ON THE ROOF? I DON'T KNOW. MAYBE I'VE SEEN "THE HANGOVER" TOO MANY TIMES. IT JUST-- IT DOESN'T MAKE SENSE. WHY ISN'T SHE DANCING WITH HER DADS OR SAYING "GOOD NIGHT"s WITH LOUIS? (sighs) I CAN'T BELIEVE SHE HAD ME KEEP HER PHONE FOR HER. (cell phone rings) SECURITY AT THE EMPIRE. HELLO? WHAT? OH, IT'S... IT'S FINE. I'LL BE RIGHT THERE. (beep) IT APPEARS OUR QUESTION'S BEEN ANSWERED. BLAIR'S AT MY PLACE. (sighs) (thud) YOU MUST BE PRETTY DESPERATE TO FLIRT WITH ME BY DOING MANUAL LABOR. WHAT? THIS ISN'T FLIRTING. I'VE ALWAYS WANTED TO LOAD A CATERING VAN. ONE MORE THING TO CROSS OFF MY BUCKET LIST, RIGHT? NATE, WHAT ARE YOU DOING DOWN HERE? OH, I'M JUST LENDING A HAND. THESE THINGS ARE HEAVIER THAN YOU THINK. PRETTY DESPERATE, NATHANIEL, ALTHOUGH IT LOOKS WORTH IT. (scoffs) JUST SO YOU KNOW, BLAIR LEFT WITHOUT TELLING ANYONE AND FLED TO THE EMPIRE. WE'RE HEADED OVER THERE NOW TO FIND OUT WHAT HAPPENED. (Chuck) ARTHUR SHOULD BE HERE BY NOW. I TOLD HIM TO PULL THE CAR AROUND BACK SO NOBODY WOULD SEE US LEAVE. OH, YOU COULD BE WAITING A WHILE. THE BRIDE AND GROOM ARE SUPPOSED TO BE LEAVING SINCE THERE ARE PHOTOGRAPHERS EVERYWHERE. TRAFFIC IS A MESS OUT FRONT. LUCKILY, THIS LETS OUT ONTO A SIDE STREET, SO I CAN TAKE THE VAN OUT THAT WAY AND AVOID THE MESS. LOOK LIKE WE MIGHT NEED YOUR VAN. OR MAYBE WE CAN ASK NICELY FOR HER TO GIVE US A RIDE? PLEASE, IT'S-- IT'S FOR THE BRIDE. SHE'S RUN AWAY FROM HER OWN WEDDING WITHOUT TELLING ANYONE, AND WE JUST NEED TO FIND HER AND MAKE SURE SHE'S OKAY. I KNOW THAT YOU DON'T KNOW US-- WAIT. THE PRINCESS IS A RUNAWAY BRIDE? AND YOU GUYS ARE GOING TO LOOK FOR HER? YEAH, I'M SO IN. I'LL--I'LL DRIVE. GREAT. THANK YOU SO MUCH. WHAT? I'M WORRIED ABOUT BLAIR, TOO. THANK YOU FOR COMING. MERCI. MERCI BEAUCOUP. BONSOIR. (cell phone rings) (ring) (beep) MOTHER. KEEP SMILING. PRETEND THAT EVERYTHING IS FINE. WHY? WHAT'S GOING ON? People wish to bid farewell to the happy couple, AND I'M HEARING THAT YOUR BRIDE IS NOWHERE TO BE FOUND. MAYBE YOU SHOULD TELL ME WHAT IS GOING ON. I WAS SO ANGRY. I COULDN'T WAIT. WHAT DID YOU TELL HER? EVERYTHING WE DISCUSSED. That after humiliating me, SHE WILL BE MY WIFE IN NAME ONLY. WHAT WERE YOU THINKING? THE PRESS IS OUTSIDE AWAITING YOUR DEPARTURE, AND THERE ARE HUNDREDS OF GUESTS HERE. THIS IS WHY I TOLD YOU TO WAIT. Blair needs to be by your side this instant. I FEAR SHE MAY HAVE LEFT. THE RECEPTION IS WINDING DOWN. I will tell the press that the happy couple have slipped out back. IN THE MEANTIME, I'LL FIND OUT IF ELEANOR KNOWS WHERE HER DAUGHTER IS. PRINCE LOUIS MAY NOT HAVE BEEN LEFT AT THE ALTAR, BUT THE HONEYMOON APPEARS TO BE OVER BEFORE IT BEGINS. ♪♪♪ (elevator bell dings, doors open) (man) ♪ BIG APPLE, TAKE A BIG BITE OUT OF ME ♪ BLAIR? HEY, GUYS. BEAUTIFUL WEDDING, HUH? WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH BLAIR? NOTHING, EXCEPT TELL THE DUMBEST MEMBER OF YOUR SECURITY TEAM THAT I WAS HER. SORRY. I HAD TO GET YOUR ATTENTION SOMEHOW. THIS IS GEORGINA SPARKS. SHE'S PRETTY MUCH THE WORST PERSON YOU'LL EVER MEET, SO JUST AVOID EYE CONTACT AT ALL TIMES. GEORGINA, WHAT ARE YOU UP TO? WHY DO YOU ALWAYS ASSUME MY MOTIVES ARE NEFARIOUS? WELL... (sighs) LOOK, I FELT BAD FOR FILMING THE VIDEO, AND I'M TRYING TO MAKE IT RIGHT. SO WHEN I SAW BLAIR HIGHTAIL IT OUT OF THE RECEPTION WITHOUT HER FROG PRINCE, I KNEW I HAD TO HELP. CROSS MY HEART AND HOPE TO DIE. HERE'S HOPING. YOU SAW BLAIR LEAVE? WHERE WAS SHE GOING? I DON'T KNOW. BUT IF YOU WANT TO FIND HER, I WAS THE LAST PERSON TO LAY EYES ON HER, SO YOU'RE GOING TO NEED MY HELP. LOOKS LIKE EVERYONE WANTS TO KNOW WHERE THE ROYAL BRIDE RAN TO, BUT WILL THEY FIND HER IN TIME? I-I DON'T UNDERSTAND. THE DOMINICAN REPUBLIC? LOUIS MAY NOT AGREE TO A DIVORCE HERE IN THE STATES, BUT... I THINK I CAN GET ONE THERE WITHOUT HIS CONSENT. WELL, WAS RESEARCHING DIVORCE LAW PART OF YOUR WEDDING PREP? BECAUSE THAT SHOULD HAVE BEEN YOUR FIRST SIGN. ELIZABETH TAYLOR GOT HER FOURTH DIVORCE THERE. THERE'S SOME WEIRD LOOPHOLE IN THE LAW WHERE YOU DON'T NEED THE GROOM. OR MAYBE THEY JUST TAKE BRIBES. EITHER WAY, I'LL FIGURE IT OUT WHEN I GET THERE. IS THIS ALL BECAUSE OF CHUCK? I MEAN, I-I CAN'T BELIEVE HE SENT THAT VIDEO IN TO "GOSSIP GIRL." NO. I MEAN, I DON'T KNOW. MAYBE. IT'S JUST THE SECOND THAT VIDEO CAME OUT, LOUIS TRANSFORMED INTO A TOTALLY DIFFERENT PERSON. SO THE SOONER I CAN FREE MYSELF OF HIM, THE SOONER I CAN GET ON WITH MY LIFE. SO... YOU WANNA GO TO THE DOMINICAN REPUBLIC RIGHT NOW? DO YOU KNOW A BETTER WAY OUT OF THIS? (woman over P.A.) THE WHITE ZONE IS FOR LOADING... YOU SURE ABOUT THIS? ALL RIGHT, THEN LET'S GET YOU ON THE NEXT FLIGHT TO SANTO DOMINGO. YOU CAN RUN, AND YOU CAN HIDE, BUT, PRINCESS B., BEWARE. GOSSIP GIRL HAS EYES EVERYWHERE. (keyboard clacking) WE MAY HAVE AN OPEN SEAT ON A CONNECTING FLIGHT THROUGH ORLANDO. LET ME JUST GET MY SUPERVISOR. THANK YOU. WHAT IS THE HOLDUP, HUMPHREY? PEOPLE ARE STARTING TO STARE. ALL THE DIRECT FLIGHTS ARE BOOKED, BUT SHE'S WORKING ON IT, UNLESS YOU'D PREFER THREE CONNECTIONS. WHATEVER GETS ME OUT OF HERE THE FASTEST. IF SOMEONE WERE TO RECOGNIZE ME AND LOUIS FIGURED OUT WHERE I WAS GOING, HE WOULD TRY TO STOP ME. SOMEHOW I THINK THAT DRAGGING YOU OUT OF HERE KICKING AND SCREAMING IS EXACTLY THE KIND OF EMBARRASSMENT YOU'RE TRYING TO AVOID, RIGHT? NO, I MEAN THAT HE WOULD TRY TO STOP ME FROM GETTING A DIVORCE. THE GRIMALDIS HAVE A GREAT DEAL OF INTERNATIONAL INFLUENCE. ONE CALL TO A DIPLOMAT IN THE DOMINICAN REPUBLIC, AND I CAN KISS MY ONE SHOT AT FREEDOM GOOD-BYE. OH, MY GOD. THAT'S BLAIR WALDORF. (murmuring) (sighs) GREAT. IT IS GOING TO BE BIEBER FEVER IN HERE IN ABOUT ONE MINUTE. I MEAN, EVERYONE IS STARING. RELAX. THEY'RE STARING AT YOU BECAUSE YOU'RE WEARING A WEDDING DRESS. YEAH. RIGHT. YOU-- YOU HAVE A POINT. HEY, HEY! YES, YOU. YOU SEEM TO HAVE REASONABLY GOOD TASTE. WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT TRADING ME THIS GORGEOUS, ONE-OF-A-KIND VERA *** FOR THE LEAST OFFENSIVE THING IN YOUR SUITCASE? TELL ME YOU KNOW WHO VERA *** IS, OR KEEP WALKING. WAIT A MINUTE. ARE YOU HER? ARE YOU THE PRINCESS OF MONACO? OH, MY GOD. ARE YOU ON YOUR HONEYMOON? OH, MY GOD! OH, MY GOD. THE PRINCE MUST BE HERE. WHERE IS HE? NO, UH, I'M NOT HER. IT'S TRUE. THEY JUST BEAR AN UNCANNY RESEMBLANCE TO ONE ANOTHER IN EVERY WAY. YEAH. WE--WE ARE DECOYS, A-A DISTRACTION SO THAT THE REAL ROYAL COUPLE DOESN'T GET MOBBED BY TABLOID-OBSESSED LOSERS LIKE YOURSELF. NO OFFENSE. NOW THAT I GET A BETTER LOOK, YOU'RE NOT NEARLY AS PRETTY AS BLAIR WALDORF. AND HE'S TERRIBLE. YOU THINK I'D BE INSULTED BY SOMEONE WITH A SAMSONITE? LOOK, I JUST NEED TO CHANGE, SO LEND ME YOUR CREDIT CARD SO I CAN GO SHOPPING WHILE YOU GET MY TICKET. THEY DO GIVE CREDIT TO PEOPLE FROM BROOKLYN, RIGHT? (cell phone rings) (ring) (ring) (ring, beep) OH, HEY, SERENA, WHAT'S UP? HEY, SORRY I DISAPPEARED FROM THE RECEPTION. I SPILLED RED WINE ALL OVER MY DRESS, if you can believe it. AND I WENT HOME TO CHANGE, AND WITH TRAFFIC, IT'S JUST TAKING LONGER THAN I EXPECTED. YEAH, NO WORRIES. I MEAN, I-I DIDN'T EVEN REALIZE YOU'D LEFT. OH. UM... WELL, DO YOU KNOW WHERE BLAIR IS? I NEED TO TALK TO HER, BUT I HAVE HER PHONE, AND I'M SURE SHE'S AROUND THERE SOMEWHERE, RIGHT? BLAIR? UM... YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU JUST MISSED HER. SHE--SHE LEFT-- SHE LEFT WITH LOUIS. OH. THEY LEFT TOGETHER? YEAH. I MEAN, ISN'T THAT WHAT THEY DO AT WEDDINGS? Anyway, they're gone. You know, they're gone. They're, uh, probably on their honeymoon now. YOU REALLY SHOULD COME BACK, 'CAUSE IT'S-- IT'S KINDA... DONE HERE. YOU SOUND WEIRD. (scoffs) (scoffs) NO, I DON'T. UH, IS THIS--IS THIS ABOUT WHAT I SAID TO YOU EARLIER? NO, NO, NO, NOT AT ALL. IT'S-- I MEAN, I'M JUST--I'M TIRED FROM ALL THE DANCING. I SHOULD HAVE GIVEN IT A REST AFTER "FUNKY COLD MEDINA." LOOK, I KNOW THAT I SAID YOU DON'T HAVE TO SAY ANYTHING, BUT... DON'T YOU HAVE ANYTHING TO SAY? I DO. I DO, BUT I JUST-- I... GOTTA GO TO THE BATHROOM. I MEAN, I'M WALKING IN THE MEN'S ROOM RIGHT NOW. CAN I JUST--I'M GONNA CALL YOU LATER, ALL RIGHT? (beep) (beep) (sighs) DAN SAYS BLAIR LEFT WITH LOUIS. MAYBE WE'RE OVERREACTING. YOU'RE NOT. DAN'S LYING. HE'S GOTTEN PRETTY GOOD AT IT, TOO. (laughs) SERIOUSLY? YOU THINK YOU STAND OUT LESS IN THAT? ANYTHING "I HEART NEW YORK" IS THE PERFECT CAMOUFLAGE. A TRUE NEW YORKER WOULDN'T BE CAUGHT DEAD IN IT. SHE WOULDN'T GIVE ME YOUR TICKET WITHOUT YOU HERE, BUT I GOT YOU A SEAT ON THE NEXT FLIGHT. IT'S LIKE 36E OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT. COACH? YEAH, WHICH IS ALSO THE PERFECT CAMOUFLAGE. IT COST ME A FORTUNE SINCE IT'S SO LAST MINUTE. YOU'RE WELCOME. OKAY, THEN I JUST NEED YOUR PASSPORT SO WE CAN ISSUE THE TICKET. OH, MY GOD. HER PASSPORT. ONCE AGAIN, HUMPHREY, I AM ONE STEP AHEAD OF YOU. NOW... I KNOW IT'S UNORTHODOX, BUT THIS IS AN EMERGENCY, AND I DON'T HAVE MY PASSPORT. SO I'M HOPING THAT YOU WILL ALLOW ME TO PROVE IDENTITY WITH THIS. DON'T BELIEVE HER! SHE'S A DECOY. SHE TOLD ME SO HERSELF. AND CHECK OUT HOW BAD THE PRINCE IS. OKAY, ONCE WAS ENOUGH. LOOK, I AM BLAIR WALDORF. SEE? OKAY, THIS IS PROBABLY NOT THE BEST WAY TO GO UNNOTICED. GREAT. NOW I NEED A PASSPORT TO PROVE I'M ME? IF THAT STUPID VIDEO HAD NEVER COME OUT, NONE OF THIS WOULD HAVE HAPPENED! I'LL GET DOROTA TO BRING IT TO ME. GIVE ME YOUR PHONE. THERE'S NO WAY I'M BELIEVING GEORGINA OVER DAN, AND DAN SAID THAT BLAIR LEFT WITH LOUIS. WHY DO YOU AUTOMATICALLY ASSUME THAT I'M THE ONE LYING? IF YOUR OPINION ACTUALLY MATTERED TO ME, I'D BE INSULTED. WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE? DON'T YOU HAVE A HOLE TO CRAWL BACK INTO? I WANT TO HELP. LET'S THINK OF THE POSSIBILITIES. IDEAS? ANYONE? (beeps) WHO ARE YOU CALLING? SECURITY. YOU OVERSTAYED YOUR WELCOME WHEN YOU SHOWED UP. (cell phone alert chiming) HEY, IT'S ME. CAN YOU SEND SOMEONE UP TO THE PENTHOUSE? YEAH, I HAVE A SITUATION. NO NEED FOR SECURITY. THE JIG IS UP. AH, YOU CAUGHT ME. I HAVE BEEN LYING. UM, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY. I'M BORED, AND MY DVR IS EMPTY. LISTEN, I CAN NORMALLY KEEP THIS UP FOR HOURS, BUT I HAVE A KID NOW, AND HIS MOMMY AND ME GROUP IS WAY MORE FUN TO MESS WITH THAN YOU GUYS. BYE. WOW, SERIOUSLY? WHAT IS HER PROBLEM? (elevator doors close) HEY, I'M-- I'M SORRY BLAIR WASN'T HERE. I KNOW YOU WERE HOPING SHE WOULD RUN TO YOU. I SHOULD'VE KNOWN IT WASN'T HER. I NEED TO MAKE PEACE WITH THE FACT THAT IT'S OVER. WHOEVER RELEASED THAT VIDEO KILLED WHATEVER CHANCE I HAD WITH HER. (cell phone alert chimes) YOUR PHONE'S RINGING. NO, NO, IT'S BLAIR'S. IT'S A TEXT FROM LOUIS. THAT'S WEIRD IF THEY'RE TOGETHER. (beep) "WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU? GET BACK HERE THIS INSTANT." (elevator bell dings, doors open) THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR CONTINUING THE NIGHT WITH ME. I HAVE SO MUCH ADRENALINE, I CAN'T POSSIBLY SLEEP. IT'S TOO BAD THAT THE MEN IN OUR LIVES ARE SUCH BORES. HEY, I'M STILL HERE. AND I'M FAIRLY CERTAIN THAT LILY AND I WEREN'T BORING WHEN WE CLOSED OUT THE DANCE FLOOR TO "MOVES LIKE JAGGER." OH, LET ME TELL YOU, EVEN JAGGER COULDN'T MOVE LIKE JAGGER IN THESE HEELS. I HOPE YOU DON'T MIND IF I GO CHANGE INTO SOME FLATS. OH, GO RIGHT AHEAD. SHALL I OPEN A BOTTLE? OH. WHAT A WONDERFUL RECEPTION. YES. I ONLY WISH THAT BLAIR AND LOUIS HAD NOT SNUCK OUT WITHOUT SAYING GOOD-BYE. I KNOW. PERHAPS THEY WERE OVERWHELMED WITH WELL-WISHERS. I HAVE AN IDEA. HMM? WHY DON'T WE INVITE THE NEWLYWEDS TO STOP BY HERE BEFORE THEY LEAVE FOR THEIR HONEYMOON? LOUIS HAS TURNED HIS CELL PHONE OFF, BUT MAYBE YOU COULD REACH BLAIR. (chuckles) I DOUBT WE COULD CATCH THEM. WELL, HOW WILL YOU KNOW UNTIL YOU TRY? HONESTLY, AFTER THE DAY THAT THEY HAVE HAD, I'M SURE THAT THEY WOULD PREFER TO BE BY THEMSELVES, AND YOU KNOW WHAT? I'M KIND OF BEAT. PERHAPS I SHOULD GO HOME. BUT RUFUS HAS JUST OPENED A BOTTLE OF WINE. IT WOULD BE RUDE TO LEAVE NOW. JUST ONE GLASS, AT LEAST. AND I'VE OPENED ONE OF OUR FAVORITES. AFTER ALL, IT IS A SPECIAL OCCASION. (cell phone ringing) AH, LADIES, PLEASE MAKE YOURSELF AT HOME. (beep) WILL YOU EXCUSE ME? HELLO? DAD, IT'S ME. HEY. UH, DON'T TELL ANYONE I'M CALLING, AND PLEASE DON'T FREAK OUT, BUT I'M AT THE AIRPORT RIGHT NOW WITH BLAIR. She's going to the Dominican Republic to get a divorce. WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? YOU JUST GOTTA TRUST ME. SHE--SHE MADE A TERRIBLE MISTAKE MARRYING LOUIS, AND HE'S NOT AT ALL WHO HE SEEMS, SO SHE'S GOTTA FLEE THE COUNTRY TO MAKE SURE HE DOESN'T FIND OUT WHERE SHE IS. AND--AND YOU'RE GOING WITH HER? No, no, I'm just helping out, which is why I'm calling. I need you TO HELP MAKE SURE THAT LOUIS AND HIS FAMILY DON'T KNOW THAT SHE'S TRYING TO LEAVE THE CITY. I MEAN, I'M SURE THEY'RE ALREADY LOOKING FOR HER, AND IT'S ONLY A MATTER OF TIME BEFORE THEY THINK TO LOOK HERE. I'M WITH SOPHIE AND ELEANOR NOW. UM, THEY THINK SHE'S WITH LOUIS. OH, GOOD. WELL, THEN KEEP IT THAT WAY AS LONG AS POSSIBLE. I DON'T THINK BLAIR SHOULD BE DRAGGING YOU INTO THIS. SHE NEEDS ME, DAD. If--if you could see how upset she is, you would understand. Please, please, JUST STALL THEM. ALL RIGHT, I TRUST YOU'RE DOING THE RIGHT THING. I'LL DO WHAT I CAN TO HELP. HEY. YOUR BATTERY'S ABOUT TO DIE. I KNOW. I JUST HAD TO USE A PAY PHONE TO ASK MY DAD TO BUY US MORE TIME. YOU TOLD RUFUS? THAT GOODY-GOODY WILL SQUEAL THE FIRST CHANCE HE GETS. OH, YOU TRUST DOROTA? I PAY HER TO STAY LOYAL. RUFUS IS ALWAYS DOING THE RIGHT THING. I'M SURE HE'S ALREADY TOLD MY MOTHER, WHICH MEANS EVERYONE WILL INSTANTLY KNOW THAT SHE KNOWS. SHE REFUSES TO GET BOTOX. HER FACE IS AN EMOTICON. LOUIS WON'T FIND OUT, ALL RIGHT? LISTEN, I-I DON'T THINK THAT YOU FULLY COMPREHEND THE URGENCY OF MY SITUATION. YOU KNOW WHAT EVERYONE SAYS THEY DID TO CHARLENE WITTSTOCK WHEN SHE TRIED TO RUN, AND SHE WAS AN OLYMPIAN. OKAY, THESE PEOPLE DON'T MESS AROUND. I NEED TO RESOLVE THIS AS QUICKLY AND AS QUIETLY AS POSSIBLE. YOU'LL BE FINE. RUFUS AND DOROTA ARE THE ONLY TWO PEOPLE WHO KNOW WHERE WE ARE, AND I GUARANTEE THEY WON'T TELL A SOUL. GOING SOMEWHERE? SINCE MISS BLAIR GONE ON HONEYMOON, I... TAKE SMALL TRIP MYSELF. MM-HMM. WITH YOUR EMPLOYER'S VUITTON. I DON'T THINK SO. I TELL YOU NOTHING. WE'LL SEE ABOUT THAT. YOU REMEMBER WHEN YOUR HUSBAND TOOK ME ON THAT SMALL TRIP TO RUSSIA? IT'S PAYBACK TIME. CAREFUL, B. LOYALTY'S ONLY WORTH SO MUCH UNTIL THERE'S A BIGGER PRICE ON YOUR HEAD. STILL NO WORD FROM BLAIR? (singsongy) NO. (normal voice) I'M--I'M SURE THEY'RE IN THE AIR BY NOW, CHAMPAGNE TOASTING AT 30,000 FEET AS WE SPEAK. DO YOU HONESTLY EXPECT ME TO BELIEVE THAT? EXCUSE ME? LOUIS IS IN A LIMO DOWNSTAIRS, AND BLAIR IS NOWHERE TO BE FOUND. ENOUGH WITH THE NICETIES. TELL ME WHERE SHE IS. I'M SORRY. WHERE IS MY DAUGHTER? I WILL NOT STAND FOR THE HUMILIATION OF MY SON BEING LEFT ON HIS WEDDING DAY. IF YOU CANNOT GET BLAIR TO RETURN, THEN YOU WILL BE REQUIRED TO FULFILL THE DOWRY THAT WE SO GENEROUSLY WAIVED. FIRST OF ALL, I THOUGHT MY DAUGHTER WAS WITH YOUR SON. AND AS FOR THE DOWRY, IT WAS WAIVED BECAUSE IT'S ANTIQUATED AND OUTRAGEOUS. YOU CANNOT FORCE US TO PAY IT. IT'S ALL IN THE PRENUPTIAL AGREEMENT. IF SHE DEFAULTS ON THE MARRIAGE, THE DOWRY CAN BE REINSTATED. SO IT IS EVERYONE'S BEST INTERESTS FOR BLAIR TO RETURN. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET BLAIR TO RETURN IF I DON'T KNOW WHERE SHE IS? AH, I'M SORRY THAT TOOK SO LONG. MY NEW LOEFFLER RANDALLS HAD SCUFF MARKS ON THEM, BUT THEY CAME RIGHT OFF. SO... WHAT DID I MISS? I WAS JUST ABOUT TO TELL EVERYONE THAT THE FLOWER ARRANGEMENTS AT THE RECEPTION WERE SO BEAUTIFUL, I THOUGHT WE EACH SHOULD HAVE ONE. SO I... CALLED OVER TO CATERING, AND THEY'RE SENDING SOME OVER. OH, WHAT A LOVELY IDEA. WELL, THEY SHOULD BE HERE ANY MINUTE, SO WHILE WE WAIT, WHO WANTS MORE WINE? THANK YOU FOR YOUR HOSPITALITY, BUT I'M AFRAID I MUST BE GOING. I WAS HOPING TO AVOID THIS, BUT... IF YOU WON'T TELL ME WHERE SHE IS, I HAVE OTHER WAYS OF FINDING OUT. (beep) EVERYTHING OKAY? OH, YEAH, MY BOSS WANTS ME TO HELP WITH SOMETHING, BUT I'M OFF THE CLOCK, SO HE CAN FIND SOMEONE ELSE. YEAH, I'M SO GLAD WE'RE DONE. I'M JUST EXHAUSTED AFTER ALL THAT WORK WE HAD TO DO. (chuckles) YOU KNOW, I LIKE A MAN WHO CAN MAKE A GOOD MARTINI BUT I COULD ACTUALLY GO FOR A COLD BEER RIGHT NOW. DO YOU HAVE ONE, OR IS THAT TOO BLUE COLLAR FOR YOU? OF COURSE. HOLD ON. (cell phone rings) (ring) (ring) (beep) HELLO? HI, MOM. NO, THAT'S BECAUSE I'M AT THE LIBRARY STUDYING FOR A MARKETING EXAM. NO, THE SNOWSTORM'S NOT THAT BAD, I PROMISE. IT'S, LIKE, NOT EVEN A FOOT. YEAH. CAN I CALL YOU BACK WHEN I'M DONE? OKAY. BYE. (beep) WHO'S THAT? OH, IT'S MY BOSS AGAIN. DOESN'T LIKE TO TAKE NO FOR AN ANSWER, I GUESS. YEAH. WELL, UH, HEY, LISTEN, I'M REALLY SORRY TO DO THIS, BUT I ACTUALLY AM EXHAUSTED AFTER THE WEDDING AND BLAIR MISSING. IT'S JUST KIND OF ALL HITTING ME RIGHT NOW, SO... OH, OKAY. THAT'S PROBABLY FOR THE BEST. MAYBE I'LL DO THAT JOB AFTER ALL. IT WAS STUPID OF ME TO TURN DOWN THE EXTRA MONEY. I'LL JUST PUT THIS BACK. (beeps) DID YOU FIND ANYONE FOR THAT JOB? (airplanes roaring) (woman on TV) WE'RE NOW LIVE ON MANHATTAN'S UPPER EAST SIDE WITH PRINCE LOUIS GRIMALDI OF MONACO. WHAT IS IT? IS DOROTA HERE? NO, IT'S LOUIS. WHERE? AS MOST OF YOU KNOW, BLAIR WALDORF AND I WERE MARRIED IN A CEREMONY EARLIER TODAY. MERE HOURS AFTER OUR "I DOs"... HE MUST KNOW I LEFT MANHATTAN. I TOLD YOU RUFUS WOULD RAT ME OUT. BLAIR HAS NOW BEEN REPORTED A MISSING PERSON. AT THIS TIME, WE ARE DOING EVERYTHING WE CAN TO LOCATE HER, BUT WE NEED YOUR HELP. BLAIR IS AN EXTRAORDINARY WOMAN, BUT AFTER A RECENT PERSONAL TRAGEDY, AND THE STRESS SURROUNDING A WEDDING OF THIS MAGNITUDE, SHE HAS NOT BEEN HERSELF. IF ANYONE SEES HER, PLEASE CONTACT THE AUTHORITIES IMMEDIATELY. I CAN'T BELIEVE IT. THEY WENT TO THE PRESS. I THOUGHT THEY WANTED TO AVOID EMBARRASSMENT. NO, THIS WAY, THEY CAN SPIN IT SO THAT I LOOK CRAZY. SO WHY NOT GO TO THE PRESS YOURSELF? NO, THEY STILL WIN. THEY FIND ME, THEY FIND A WAY TO STOP ME. WE SHOULD GO RIGHT NOW. (scoffs) BUT WHERE? WE CAN'T GO BACK TO THE CITY. THE NEXT FLIGHT OUT IS TOMORROW MORNING. I'LL FIND A HOTEL AND TEXT DOROTA TO MEET US THERE. IS THERE A FOUR SEASONS IN QUEENS? (crowd murmuring) (sighs) WELL, AT LEAST WE KNOW SHE HASN'T FLED THE COUNTRY. (muffled clatter) MR. CHUCK. I WAS ONLY TRYING THEM ON. I WAS... SO BORED LOCKED INSIDE. THANKFULLY, MISS GEORGINA A MOTHER, AND SHE--SHE NOT LEAVE ME WITHOUT SNACKS. GEORGINA DID THIS TO YOU? SHE WANT TO FIND MISS BLAIR, BUT NOT TO WORRY. I TELL HER WRONG PLACE. YOU KNOW WHERE BLAIR IS? YES, MISS BLAIR WAS AT AIRPORT BUT NOW GOING TO HOTEL WAITING FOR ME TO BRING PASSPORT. SOMETHING ABOUT ELIZABETH TAYLOR. OH, MY GOD. BLAIR WANTS A DIVORCE. THAT IS MY HOPE. BEFORE I WAS LOCKED IN CLOSET, MR. LOUIS WAS CALLING AND CALLING. HE SAID HE WANT TO FIND MISS BLAIR AND GET HER HELP SHE NEEDS, WHICH IN ROMANCE NOVELS, MEANS LOCKING HER FOREVER IN TALL TOWER. I NEED TO GET MISS BLAIR HER PASSPORT SO SHE CAN GET AWAY VERY FAST. WE'LL TAKE IT FROM HERE. I TOLD YOU IT WOULDN'T BE LONG. FOLLOW THAT CAR. SOMETIMES WHEN YOU WANT THINGS DONE RIGHT, YOU HAVE TO RELY ON OTHERS TO DO THEM FOR YOU. LOOKS LIKE WE SUCCEEDED IN FINDING BLAIR BY USING THE PRESS. (beep) PHOTOS OF HER WITH THE AIRPORT ARE SURFACING ALL OVER THE INTERNET. WHERE IS SHE NOW? SHE WAS SEEN LEAVING THE AIRPORT 20 MINUTES AGO. THAT'S THE LAST ACCOUNT. (sighs) DID ELEANOR GIVE YOU ANY INFORMATION? EITHER SHE KNOWS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING OR SHE IS A TALENTED LIAR. EITHER WAY, I HAVE MADE IT QUITE CLEAR THAT THEY WILL PAY IF BLAIR CONTINUES THIS CHARADE. SO WHAT DO WE DO NOW? (cell phone alert chimes) (beep) IS IT BLAIR? NO, IT'S FROM... "GOSSIP GIRL." I THINK THE HOTEL CLERK RECOGNIZED ME. DID YOU NOTICE HIM STARING? YOU MEAN AFTER YOU LECTURED HIM ABOUT THEIR LACK OF SPA AMENITIES? I CAN'T BELIEVE THAT IN JUST A FEW SHORT HOURS, I WENT FROM BEING A PRINCESS WITH A PRIVATE JET AND A PALACE TO FLYING COACH AND HIDING OUT IN AN AIRPORT HOTEL ROOM WITH... DAN HUMPHREY. WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THIS? (door slams, bottles clink) HOW ABOUT WHAT I'VE DONE? LIKE BE THERE FOR YOU COMPLETELY AND WITHOUT QUESTION, AND YOU STILL TREAT ME LIKE CRAP. WOULD IT KILL YOU TO BE JUST THE TINIEST BIT APPRECIATIVE? IN CASE YOU HAVEN'T NOTICED, I'M NOT EXACTLY HAVING FUN EITHER. THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE, AND NOW IT'S A BIG MESS, AND YOU DON'T NEED TO BE YELLING AT ME ON TOP OF IT! IF YOU HAVEN'T NOTICED, I'VE BEEN HELPING YOU THE ENTIRE TIME, AND YOU'RE THE ONE WHO'S YELLING! ALL RIGHT, NOW I'M YELLING, TOO, BUT YOU STARTED IT. I HOPE SOMEONE YELLS AT YOU ON YOUR BIG DAY SO YOU KNOW HOW IT FEELS! YOU ALREADY DID! YOU REMEMBER THE DAY MY BOOK CAME OUT? YOU BLAMED ME FOR CREATING ALL YOUR PROBLEMS WITH LOUIS, AND YOU NEVER EVEN READ IT. I READ THE MOST IMPORTANT PART-- THE PART THAT NEVER HAPPENED. LOOK, ALL I'VE EVER TRIED TO DO WAS BE YOUR FRIEND, BUT FRIENDS DON'T TREAT EACH OTHER THE WAY YOU TREAT ME, SO IF YOU REALLY THINK YOU'RE BETTER OFF WITHOUT ME, THEN WHY DON'T YOU TRY IT OUT? THAT'S RIGHT. GO AHEAD AND LEAVE. I DIDN'T WANT YOU IN THE CAR, AND I DON'T NEED YOU NOW. FINE. FINE. GOOD-BYE. BYE! (knock on door) THAT'S NOT A DOROTA KNOCK. SHE'S A STICKLER FOR "SHAVE AND A HAIRCUT." I'M SO SORRY, ELEANOR. I'M SURE THAT BLAIR WILL TURN UP SOON. HA. I THOUGHT SHE'D BE ON HER WAY TO BALI BY NOW. I JUST WISH THAT SHE FELT THAT SHE COULD HAVE TURNED TO ME IF SHE WAS HAVING SECOND THOUGHTS. NOT KNOWING WHERE SHE IS OR IF SHE'S OKAY-- THAT'S THE HARDEST PART. BLAIR'S FINE. SHE'S WITH DAN. HOW LONG HAVE YOU KNOWN THIS? HE CALLED EARLIER. I'M SORRY. I WANTED TO TELL YOU, BUT I PROMISED DAN THAT I WOULDN'T SAY ANYTHING. THERE ARE ENORMOUS CONSEQUENCES IF SHE DOESN'T RETURN. I HAVE TO SPEAK TO HER IMMEDIATELY. WHERE IS SHE? DAN? HUMPHREY? WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOING HERE? FUNNY. WE WERE JUST ABOUT TO ASK YOU THE SAME THING. WHERE'S BLAIR? I'M RIGHT HERE. HOW DID YOU FIND ME? YOU DIDN'T TELL LOUIS, DID YOU? DOROTA SAID YOU NEEDED YOUR PASSPORT. THE DOMINICAN REPUBLIC? REALLY? ARE YOU SERIOUSLY DOING THIS? (door closes) LOUIS DOESN'T CARE ABOUT ME. ALL HE WANTS IS TO HOLD ME HOSTAGE. SO YOU RAN AWAY WITH HUMPHREY, AND HE BROUGHT YOU HERE? NO. WELL, I WAS JUST LEAVING. WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. YOU KNEW WE WERE LOOKING FOR BLAIR. WHY DID YOU LIE TO US? SHE TOLD ME NOT TO TELL ANYONE. WELL, I DIDN'T KNOW YOU TALKED TO HER. YOU DO REALIZE SHE FALLS UNDER THE TERM "ANYONE," RIGHT? I'M NOT JUST ANYONE. I'M HER BEST FRIEND. HOW--WHAT--HOW AM I THE BAD GUY HERE? SHE DRAGGED ME INTO ALL THIS. TECHNICALLY, I JUST WANTED THE CAR. ALL RIGHT, WELL, NOW THAT YOUR REAL FRIENDS ARE HERE TO HELP YOU, I'M GONNA LEAVE. OH, OH, GROUP SHOT. NO. (camera shutter clicks) (Serena) SERIOUSLY, GEORGINA? I'M OUTTA HERE. SERENA, YOU FOUND MY CAMERA. AND HERE I THOUGHT IT AND ITS TOUCHING MOVIE OF BLAIR AND CHUCK WERE GONE FOR GOOD. WELL, AT THE VERY LEAST, I GUESS THIS SOLVES WHO SENT IN THAT VIDEO TO "GOSSIP GIRL" AND RUINED BLAIR'S MARRIAGE. MY WORK HERE IS DONE... (camera shutter clicks) AND DOCUMENTED. THANK YOU. LILY, I WANTED TO TELL YOU. WELL, NO NEED TO APOLOGIZE TO ME, BUT POOR ELEANOR. SHE'S PROBABLY UPSET BECAUSE HER DAUGHTER DOESN'T TRUST HER AS MUCH AS DAN TRUSTS YOU. LET'S JUST HOPE HE CONTINUES TO TRUST ME AFTER ELEANOR SHOWS UP TO DRAG BLAIR HOME. WELL, TELLING HER WAS THE RIGHT THING TO DO. (elevator bell dings, doors open) HI. I'M LOLA FROM THE CATERING COMPANY. WHERE DO YOU WANT THESE? CHARLOTTE RHODES? UH, MY HUSBAND AND I WERE LOOKING FOR MY NIECE WITH THE SAME NAME, REMEMBER? OH, YEAH. (laughs) HI. HI. DID YOU EVER FIND HER? SHE WAS WITH HER MOTHER. I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE DELIVERING THE FLOWERS. DID YOU WORK THE GRIMALDI WEDDING? YEAH. HMM. SMALL WORLD. YEAH, IT'S JUST A PART-TIME GIG WHILE I'M IN SCHOOL. PAYS FOR THE DORM. HONEY. AHEM. OH! YEAH, LET ME TAKE THOSE. OKAY. THANK YOU. I'M SORRY TO DRAG YOU HERE SO LATE. OH, NO, DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT. I GET THE OVERTIME, AND, ACTUALLY, YOU SAVED ME FROM SOMETHING WITH THIS GUY THAT I MET AT THE WEDDING. OH, IS EVERYTHING OKAY? YEAH. I BROKE TWO OF MY OWN RULES-- NO DATING PARTY GUESTS AND NO DATING GUYS NAMED NATE, LUKE, OR TROY. USUALLY LACROSSE PLAYERS, ALWAYS TROUBLE. YOU DON'T... MEAN NATE ARCHIBALD? OH, YEAH. YOU KNOW HIM? YES, VERY WELL. HE'S ACTUALLY A LOVELY YOUNG MAN. MAYBE SO. ALL I KNOW IS, AS SOON AS I SHOWED INTEREST, SUDDENLY HE LOST ANY HE HAD. OH. IT'S FINE. HE'S A "NATE." I'M GONNA HEAD BACK AND HELP THE CLEANUP CREW, BUT IT WAS NICE SEEING YOU AGAIN. YOU, TOO. (beeping) IT WAS YOU WHO SENT IN THAT VIDEO TO "GOSSIP GIRL"? AND SET ME UP TO TAKE THE FALL? UM... YEAH. YEAH, FINE. IT WAS, UM... IT WAS ME WHO DID IT, BUT I DID IT FOR THE TWO OF YOU. YOU RUINED MY WEDDING... FOR ME? I KNOW YOU NEVER BELIEVED IN MY PACT, BUT THIS WASN'T YOUR CHOICE TO MAKE. I DIDN'T DO IT TO HURT YOU, BLAIR. BUT YOU CHOOSING TO RUN AWAY WITH DAN, KNOWING HOW I FEEL ABOUT HIM AND NOT TELLING ME ANY OF IT-- THAT HURT, TOO. I CAN CHARTER A PLANE. WE CAN BE IN THE DOMINICAN REPUBLIC BY SUNRISE. CHUCK... BLAIR WILL NOT BE GOING ANYWHERE WITH ANYONE BUT MY SON. UH-OH, B. LOOKS LIKE YOU WERE RIGHT ABOUT THEIR ROYAL REACH. HOPE YOUR PLANE TICKET'S REFUNDABLE. NOT EVEN A DAY INTO YOUR MARRIAGE, AND ALREADY IN BREACH OF YOUR PRENUPTIAL AGREEMENT WITH YOUR ILLICIT LOVER. YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT. HOW DID YOU FIND ME? DID RUFUS SELL ME OUT? OR IS ONE OF THE BUTTONS ON MY WEDDING DRESS ACTUALLY A GPS LOCATOR? I WOULDN'T PUT IT PAST YOU PEOPLE. YOU ARE THE PRINCESS OF MONACO. PRIVACY IS NO LONGER AN OPTION. BUT YOU SHOULD BE USED TO THAT BY NOW. "GOSSIP GIRL" SEEMS TO KNOW MORE ABOUT YOU THAN YOUR OWN MOTHER. "GOSSIP GIRL" TOLD YOU SHE WAS HERE? I'M NOT GOING BACK WITH YOU. I'M AFRAID YOU MUST. MY SON AWAITS YOUR RETURN IN THE CITY, BUT IF YOU REFUSE TO JOIN HIM, YOU AND YOUR FAMILY WILL QUITE LITERALLY PAY THE CONSEQUENCE. OR DID YOU FORGET ABOUT THE DOWRY? A DOWRY? WHAT CENTURY DO YOU THINK THIS IS? IF YOU DON'T RECALL, THE PRICE IS PRETTY STEEP. I IMAGINE YOUR MOTHER WILL BE FORCED TO SELL HER COMPANY. SO IT IS UP TO YOU. DO YOU PREFER TO SPEND THE NEXT YEAR AS A PRINCESS... OR AS A PAUPER? ♪♪♪ I CAN FIND SOMEWHERE ELSE TO WAIT FOR MY CAR. NO, SERENA, HOLD ON. LOOK. I ONLY LIED TO YOU TO HELP BLAIR. SHE WAS--SHE WAS PANICKED AND RUNNING AWAY FROM HER WEDDING. I WAS JUST TRYING TO PROTECT HER FROM LOUIS. WELL, IF YOU WERE REALLY TRYING TO HELP, THEN YOU WOULD HAVE TOLD ME, BECAUSE I COULD HAVE HELPED HER, TOO. BUT YOU SAW THE CHANCE TO BE HER ONLY SAVIOR, HER KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOR. I WON'T APOLOGIZE FOR HELPING A FRIEND. AND APPARENTLY, YOU'RE NOT GONNA APOLOGIZE FOR LYING TO ONE, EITHER. ARE YOU REALLY MAD ABOUT BLAIR, OR IS THIS ABOUT US? ABOUT WHAT YOU SAID AT THE WEDDING, AND BECAUSE I HAVEN'T GIVEN YOU AN ANSWER YET? YOU JUST DID. (scoffs) I'M SORRY I BLAMED YOU FOR RELEASING THAT VIDEO. IT'S UNDERSTANDABLE. EVERYONE KNOWS I'M THE OBVIOUS CHOICE. I'M JUST GLAD YOU KNOW IT WASN'T ME WHO DID IT, AND NOW WE CAN GET OUT OF HERE AND START OVER. HEY. DON'T WORRY. I'LL PROTECT YOU FROM LOUIS AND WHATEVER HIS MOTHER THREATENS TO DO. IF THERE'S A DOWRY, I'LL PAY IT. I CAN'T LET YOU BUY MY FREEDOM. IF IT MEANS GETTING RID OF THEM, IT'S WORTH WHATEVER THE COST. I'D DO ANYTHING FOR YOU. NO. NOT LIKE THIS. I... I MADE A PROMISE, AND I NEED TO KEEP IT. TO GOD? PLEASE. YOU BROKE THAT PROMISE WHEN YOU LEFT LOUIS. AND LOOK, I'M STILL STANDING. CHUCK, I NEED YOU TO LET ME HANDLE THIS ON MY OWN. WHAT KIND OF CHANCE DO WE HAVE IF OUR FRESH START IS YOU BUYING ME FROM LOUIS? WHEN AND IF WE END UP TOGETHER, IT HAS TO BE AS EQUALS, WITH NOTHING OVER OUR HEADS. THAT'S THE ONLY SHOT WE HAVE. I CAN'T STAND THE THOUGHT OF YOU WITH ANYONE ELSE. I DON'T CARE WHAT IT COSTS OR WHERE WE HAVE TO GO. I JUST WANNA BE WITH YOU. LOUIS WON'T LAY A HAND ON ME, I PROMISE. I'M SORRY. THIS IS... HOW IT HAS TO BE. (M83's "Wait" playing) (roaring) ♪♪♪ IF YOU'RE LOOKING FOR SERENA, SHE'S, UH, SHE'S ON HER WAY BACK TO THE CITY. I WAS LOOKING FOR YOU. I WANT TO APOLOGIZE. EVERYTHING YOU SAID WAS RIGHT. I COULD NEVER HAVE SURVIVED THIS LAST MONTH WITHOUT YOU. I ALSO KNOW YOU WROTE THOSE VOWS. WELL, YOU KNOW, LOUIS ASKED ME TO. I-I JUST--I JUST TRIED TO WRITE DOWN WHAT I ASSUMED HE WOULD LOVE ABOUT YOU. WELL, YOU DID A GREAT JOB. IT'S PRETTY OBVIOUS YOU CARE WAY MORE ABOUT ME THAN LOUIS. AS A FRIEND, OF COURSE. NO, OF COURSE. AND I CARE ABOUT YOU, TOO, EVEN IF I HAVE ODD WAYS OF SHOWING IT LIKE, YOU KNOW, BOSSING YOU AROUND OR MAKING FUN OF YOUR HAIR. SERIOUSLY, YOU SHOULD CUT IT ALREADY. (chuckles) THANK YOU FOR HELPING ME. AND I REALLY AM SORRY FOR MAXING OUT YOUR CREDIT CARD AND NOT READING YOUR BOOK. WELL, LISTEN, YOU HAVE MUCH BIGGER PROBLEMS TO DEAL WITH. SPEAKING OF, WHAT NOW? I KNOW WHAT I HAVE TO DO, BUT I JUST NEED TO KNOW THAT YOU'LL BE THERE FOR ME. ALWAYS. (woman) I THINK THAT'LL JUST ABOUT DO IT. (man) ALL RIGHT, I GOT THE LAST ONE. I WAS HOPING I'D FIND YOU BACK HERE. HOW DID YOU... LILY CALLED ME. SHE SAID I MIGHT OWE YOU AN EXPLANATION FOR ENDING OUR DATE. OH, IT WASN'T A DATE, AND YOU DON'T. WELL, I THINK I DO. TRUTH IS, I HAVE A HISTORY WITH GIRLS WHO LIE, AND YOU SEEMED REALLY HONEST AND STRAIGHTFORWARD, WHICH I LIKED. BUT THEN I OVERHEAD A CONVERSATION WITH YOUR MOM, AND, UH... MY MOM. (sighs) WHERE TO BEGIN? WELL, TO START, SHE'S INSANELY OVERPROTECTIVE. SHE NEVER WANTED ME TO BE AN ACTRESS AND SAID THAT NEW YORK WOULD DESTROY MY SOUL. SO... I LIE AND TELL HER THAT I'M AT MICHIGAN STATE, POLI SCI MAJOR. I LOVE HER, BUT I'M DOING IT TO PROTECT HER... AND MYSELF. I DON'T KNOW. FAMILY CAN BE TRICKY. NO, I KNOW. I JUST WENT THROUGH THIS HUGE THING WITH MY GRANDFATHER AND MY COUSIN, AND SUDDENLY I'M LEFT WITH NO FAMILY AT ALL, SO... I CAN RELATE. ALTHOUGH MY COUSIN DID TRY AND HAVE ME KILLED, SO MAYBE OUR SITUATIONS ARE SLIGHTLY DIFFERENT. BUT I'M SORRY. I SHOULD HAVE ASKED YOU EARLIER. HOW ABOUT A DO-OVER? WELL, IF I'M BEING HONEST, UM... IT'S REALLY FUN TO HEAR ABOUT YOUR WORLD, BUT I DON'T KNOW IF WANNA BE IN IT. NO, I UNDERSTAND. SO, UH, THANK YOU FOR BEING HONEST. (sighs) (engine starts) (van departs) (elevator bell dings) THERE YOU ARE. I'VE BEEN LOOKING FOR YOUR MOTHER. SHE ISN'T HERE. WELL, I'LL JUST HAVE TO TELL YOU. I KNOW WHERE BLAIR IS, AND I HAVE NO INTENTION OF SHARING THAT INFORMATION WITH ANY OF THE GRIMALDIS. IN FACT, WHEN I SEE HER, I AM GOING TO TELL HER I DON'T CARE WHAT I HAVE TO SELL. I WANT HER TO STAY AS FAR AWAY FROM YOU AS POSSIBLE. IN FACT, FOR FUTURE REFERENCE, THE WALDORFS DO NOT GIVE IN TO THREATS. YOUR FAMILY CANNOT CONTROL MINE. (footsteps descend stairs) YES, THEY CAN. LOUIS... I'M READY TO GO ON OUR HONEYMOON NOW. MY BAGS ARE IN THE CAR DOWNSTAIRS. BLAIR, YOU DO NOT HAVE TO DO THIS. YOU DO NOT HAVE TO GO WITH HIM. YES, I DO. I HEARD WHAT YOU SAID, MOTHER, BUT I DON'T BELIEVE IN SAVING MYSELF AND RUINING OUR FAMILY AT THE SAME TIME. IT'S JUST A YEAR. IT'S NOT THAT LONG, RIGHT? (elevator bell dings, doors open) (sighs) (whispers) SWEETHEART. EVERYTHING OKAY? FINE. THANK YOU FOR BRINGING THAT UP... AND FOR EVERYTHING ELSE. I MEANT WHAT I SAID. WHATEVER YOU NEED, I'M HERE FOR YOU. WE NEED TO GO. (Big Pink's "Future This" playing) (crowd shouting at once) DON'T LOOK SO SAD, B. AT LEAST YOUR PRISON IS A PALACE. ♪ FUTURE THIS, EXTEND YOUR RANGE ♪ ♪ STAND UP AND THEN CHANGE YOUR NAME ♪ ♪ CHOOSE YOUR FIX WHEN ATTRACTION'S GONE ♪ ♪ MAKE YOUR MARK WHEN THE WATERS RUN ♪ ♪♪♪ (Philip) WAIT. YOU'RE POSTING A VIDEO OF BLAIR WITH LOUIS? (beep) WHAT ABOUT THE PHOTO OF EVERYONE AT THE AIRPORT HOTEL? ISN'T THAT THE SCOOP YOU WERE LOOKING FOR? NO. THAT PHOTO HAS BEEN RENDERED IRRELEVANT DUE TO THE FACT THAT BLAIR AND LOUIS ARE TOGETHER RIGHT NOW, LEAVING FOR THEIR HONEYMOON. BUT TOMORROW'S ANOTHER DAY. YOU FORGET I KNOW WHO SENT THE VIDEO OF BLAIR AND CHUCK TO "GOSSIP GIRL" IN THE FIRST PLACE. BUT YOU CAN'T REVEAL YOUR SOURCE. EVERYONE WOULD STOP SENDING TIPS. OH, DARLING, OF COURSE THEY WOULD, WHICH IS WHY I HAVE SOMETHING ELSE PLANNED. MY DEAR, SWEET PHILIP. SINCE GOSSIP GIRL ABANDONED HER POST AFTER BLAIR'S ACCIDENT, IT'S BEEN MY CIVIC DUTY TO STEP IN AND CONTINUE HER IMPORTANT WORK. IT'S A DIRTY JOB, BUT SOMEONE'S GOTTA DO IT. THE WORLD NEEDS GOSSIP GIRL. (typing) (elevator bell dings, doors open) ♪♪♪ I'M GONNA GRAB A WATER. (cell phone alert chimes) (beep) (sighs) WHY DID SHE CHOOSE HIM? I WOULD HAVE DONE ANYTHING FOR HER. I KNOW, BUT YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE SENT THAT VIDEO IN TO "GOSSIP GIRL." DON'T YOU MEAN YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE? COME ON, CHUCK. YOU CAN STOP PRETENDING NOW. I FOUND THE CAMERA WHERE YOU LEFT IT IN THE BRIDAL CHAMBER, AND I PUT IT IN MY PURSE. I FIGURED IT WAS WORTH LYING AND SAYING THAT I DID IT IF--IF YOU TWO COULD BE TOGETHER AGAIN. I WASN'T LYING. I DIDN'T DO IT. BUT IF--IF YOU DIDN'T DO IT, AND I DIDN'T, THEN WHO DID? ♪ BELIEVE IN LOVE ♪ SOME SECRETS I'LL NEVER TELL. (man) HERE YOU GO. ♪ CALLING MY HEART ♪ BUT MOST SECRETS MAKE FOR EXCELLENT BLACKMAIL MATERIAL. THAT'S HOW IT GOES ON THE UPPER EAST SIDE. X.O.X.O., GOSSIP GIRL.