She's The One - English Transcript

(music) Some days are diamonds (music) (music) Some days are rocks (music) (music) Some doors are open (music) (music) Some roads are blocked (music) (music) Sundowns are golden (music) (music) Then fade away (music) (music) And if I never do nothin' (music) (music) I'll catch your back someday (music) (music) 'Cause you got a heart so big (music) (music) It could crush this town (music) (music) And I can't hold out forever (music) (music) Even walls fall down (music) (music) You got a heart so big (music) (music) It could crush this town (music) (music) And I can't hold out forever (music) (music) Even walls fall down (music) (music) Yeah, they do (music) (music) They fall down (music) Cigar? No No, I'm gonna wait till we get out there You about ready to go? Yeah, I am Where's your sister? He's in the bathroom primping himself He thinks we're going to a fashion show, I guess [Thud] Come on, sweetheart While we're still young What do you think, Dad? Have you ever seen such a good-looking head of hair? Frank: Just get your *** moving, pretty boy Hey, tough guy don't want to start the first fishing trip of the summer with a cigar, huh? And you wonder why your breath stinks and your teeth are green, right? My teeth are not green, my man Yeah, but they sure as *** ain't white... All right, come on, ladies! I'm not gonna have you start the summer off with your bickering Come on, Mickey, let's go Francis, your brother's right Go brush your teeth, will you? Your breath's disgusting What'd I tell you, my man? Frank: You know, I'm concerned for you, Mick I think maybe it's time for you to get focused on something, you know? Maybe get a job Dad, I got a job That ain't a job That's an excuse to avoid reality I think it's time you thought about settling down, sinking your teeth into something, you know? Something that'll give your life some meaning Now, I'm not saying you gotta go work on Wall Street with this one, but how about the fire department? Or a cop, you know? Something with some benefits The way I see it is this Ever since the hairy *** incident, it's like you've been out of the game, you've been running away from life, instead of running towards it I think it's a good time right now to turn around and start running towards life again You know what I'm talking about? Can... Can I toss this *** overboard? Is that all right? Hey, don't get that way with me, Mick! I'm just trying to help Shut up, Francis But your sister's right You need something with some stability You know what, Dad? I don't need any stability because I'm happy right where I am Big deal You're happy You're never gonna make any real money Who gives a ***? I mean, look at you You make a pile of dough, and you're miserable What's that got to do with anything? Hey, and I'm not miserable, OK? I'm dissatisfied That's what makes me a success Now, Mickey there's something I've been meaning to tell you since you've been back I think you did the right thing The last thing you needed to do was get married, especially to that one The one thing you gotta remember is this is your life, not theirs You gotta do what makes you happy first, OK? Taxi! [Whistle] Hey, what the hell? JFK, please Hey, how you doin'? I'm... I'm good I'm good What about you? Where, um Where are you flying to? New Orleans Oh, you on vacation or something? No Actually, my best friend from high school is getting married It's kind of a funny story Oh, yeah? Yeah Her sink was clogged a few weeks ago, So she called a plumber And this really nice guy came over to fix it, and she ended up having sex with him under the sink So, now she's gonna marry him This is your best friend having sex under the sink? Mm-hmm It's good to know So, what about you? Are you married? Me? No I mean I was engaged once a couple of years ago, But it didn't pan out What happened? Nothing really I just came home early one night To find her and some guy passed out on my living room floor, both of them completely naked Oh, God Did you know the guy? No All I saw was his hairy *** staring back at me But I think he may have been a plumber, too, actually Well, what did you do? You know, nothing actually I walked out of the apartment, got into my car, and spent the next three years driving around the country Wow Well, do you have any regrets about it? Yeah Yeah, one I should have taken my frigging TV with me when I left How long would it take me to drive to New Orleans? It's not that long It's like 23-24 hours maybe How much would that cost? I don't know You could probably get a pretty cheap rental car here at the airport Well, what if you drove me? How much would that be? What do you mean? If I drove you in my cab? If I kept the meter running, it would cost you, I don't know, $70-80,000 maybe $80,000 Look, you could come to my friend's wedding I'm allowed to bring a date Are you serious about this? You want me to drive you to New Orleans in my cab? Yeah Come on, please? It'll be fun I really don't want to fly, and if I did and I died, it would all be your fault And I don't think you want to live with that guilt - My fault? - Mm-hmm Wait, wait, wait You tell me why you're so afraid to fly, and then maybe I'll consider it I don't like planes Hi, babe Hey You busy? A little busy Too busy to maybe, I don't know, do it tonight? Do what, babe? Oh, I don't know, Francis Why don't I take off my clothes and you can do whatever you'd like? Renee, come on You know I've got to get this work done How about a little consideration, huh? Well, how about a little consideration for me, huh? You know, we haven't had sex for a while You know? All right, listen OK If you're still up when I have this finished, we'll do it, OK? You know, don't do me any favors, all right there, Romeo? I could just as easily go into the bathroom and use my vibrator That would be a little difficult, wouldn't it, hon? Seeing as you don't own a vibrator Babe, what's the big deal with me owning a vibrator? No big deal You just don't have one OK Occasionally, I need sex And for some reason, I'm married to a man who doesn't like to have sex anymore So from time to time, I like to pleasure myself with a vibrator Deal with it Excuse me? Pleasure yourself? That's rich And no, I'm not gonna deal with it because you're my wife We have sex like normal people in a bed lying down We don't run to bathrooms and *** like animals with any frigging vibrators Ah, well, maybe you don't, but I do So if you don't wake up that libido of yours, I'm in that bathroom in about 5 minutes Or, hey, better yet! I could go get it, and we could play with it together OK, very funny Listen, let's get this straight once and for all We do not have a vibrator in this home [Loud Whistle] Do we? [Whistle] Yo, Franny! Francis! Better go see who that is Hey, Franny! It's me, Mickey! I can see that What the hell are you doing? You're not gonna believe this I, uh I got married Why don't you let us up? I want you to meet my wife What? Mickey! Congratulations! When did this happen? Let us up I'll tell you all about it Yeah, hold on a second, Mick He wants to come up Yeah, I heard What's your problem? Let them up! Whoa, whoa, whoa! I would like to meet her! Honey, it's late You're not thinking straight Hey, Mick! We're glad you're living such a romantic life The both of us, but, hey, some people got some real jobs, You know, responsibilities Catch you tomorrow Give me a call! Congratulations, though! Hey, *** you, you prick Come down and let us in Excus... I'm gonna let you into my home in the middle of the night after you don't invite me to your wedding? Mickey, don't listen to him Of course, you can come up, - And I'll send him down right now - Excuse me? What are you talking about? I'm gonna let this man into my home in the middle of the night after he doesn't invite me to his wedding? Oh, you're sick Oh, I'm sick? I'm sick? Hey, I'm not the one with the vibrator, huh? Hey, listen, I find that thing, I'm gonna mail it to your mother with a nice detailed letter describing your perversions OK, you know what? Go right ahead Who do you think got me the damn thing in the first place? OK? She knows my pain Hope: Anyway, we were having a great time together on the drive down, and I guess it was sometime after we crossed into Kentucky that we fell in love Then Mickey came with me to my friend's wedding, and when we were dancing, he said, "It should have been us who got married" And I mean, I just ran over, I got the priest out of the bar, pulled him onto the dance floor, and he married us right there in the middle of the reception Ohh Oh! I want to get married like that Mickey, do you have any other brothers that I just don't know about? Sorry, babe Just Princess Kitty over there I think you're stuck with him That's it, huh? Is this true, Mick? What can I say, man? I'm about the love Obviously I had no idea you were such an impetuous romantic I mean, that's a pretty impulsive move you guys pulled But, I'm sorry, when did you actually meet? Wednesday Ohh, today's Saturday OK, so you were married without a best man when? Thursday Oh, so you had a full 24 hours to get to know each other then Oh, Francis No, I'm relieved, honey Aren't you? I mean, I thought they might have rushed into this Watch yourself, Francis, OK? Yeah You know what, you guys? Don't listen to Francis He's about as impulsive and romantic as a nun In fact, you know what, honey? I'm wondering why you actually didn't become one So am I, honey You probably don't know your brother as well as you think you do He's actually very romantic I don't think we need to go there right now Thank you Oh, no Let's go there, by all means Sure Mr. Romantic Mr. Summer Breeze All about the Love Of course you're right What would I know? I'm just the brother who wasn't the best man Oh, Francis, you're gonna have to get over this Nothing to get over, hon I'm thrilled Couldn't be more Congratulations, guys Romance is wonderful We all love it It brightens the day I just want to remind you It don't pay the rent OK? Is he OK? Yeah He'll live (music) Now I'm walkin' (music) (music) This street on my own (music) It's right here (music) But she's with me (music) This is the honeymoon suite, huh? (music) Everywhere I go (music) (music) Here I found an angel (music) (music) I found my place (music) (music) I can only thank God (music) (music) It was not too late (music) (music) I can only thank God (music) (music) It was not too late (music) (music) I can only thank God (music) (music) It was not too late (music) What do you think's going on? What is she, an illegal? Pregnant? What? Maybe an illegal She looks like she's from one of the islands Yeah I was thinking the same thing You know, I'm concerned for him, Francis You think it'll last? No shot You kidding me? Poor kid Never used up here Always used in here Just like your mother I tell ya, I just can't believe He did it without me, frankly I should have been there I should have been his best man He was my best man So, just for the record, it is bad luck to have a wedding without a best man Jeez, you're not crying, are you, Francis? No, no, no! I am not interested in what they had to say! I am interested in you doing what you're told! Now, when you've done that, call me ba... No! Have Ryan call me! [Intercom Beeps] Secretary: Mr. Fitzpatrick, I have Miss Davis on the phone Yeah, yeah Put her through Heather? Are you OK? I called the office this morning, they said you called in sick I call the apartment, you're not there Are you all right? Yeah I'm fine How's work? Work's fine Where are you? I'm at Papa's Who the hell is Papa? Come on, Franny You know my friend Papa Oh, Oh, you mean Carl the old guy Listen, I thought we agreed we were gonna call him Carl the Diaper-Wearing Geriatric, not Papa What the hell are you doing there? I slept over here last night with him You mean, you slept with him as in had actual *** intercourse with this... this animal? Amongst other things That's not funny He's older than your father, for God's sakes Francis, my father's dead My point exactly, thank you This is very... This is very upsetting I think it's extremely important that I see you as soon as possible so I can show you the error of your ways here Well, he's gonna be gone all day long You could come over to his place if you want I'm afraid I, uh, still have my pride, darling I'm not gonna meet you at this old ***'s apartment, OK? Well I guess you won't see me today then, will you? OK What's the address? Well, I hope that cleared things up for you, hon What? Excuse me, don't even try to tell me sex with Grandpa was better than with me You're not in competition with him, Francis Besides, one wasn't better than the other They were just different They'd better damn well be different He's an old man who can't control his bladder and has to wear diapers, and I'm a young stallion in the prime of my youth But how was it different? Just different Forget I said anything No, no Elaborate I think it might be enlightening to understand how sex might be different with a fossil OK, but don't get mad, all right? I won't I faked my *** with you So? I didn't have to with Papa I gotcha Come on, Francis Don't be mad You wanted to know No, l... I really didn't, hon Don't pull this jealous *** with me, OK? I can sleep with whomever I want Remember? I'm not the one that's married You are You really had an *** with him? Pardon my asking, Tom, but how old are you? 68 You know, I was just wondering, more out of curiosity than anything, if a guy your age can still have sex Only when the wife gives me the OK So, you can still perform then if she says so? Sure As a matter of fact, my wife tells me I'm better now than when I was in my 20s Great That's terrific, Tom Hey, so, um, this apartment of ours, how long have you lived there? Almost two years Isn't it great? Yeah, it is It is It's a little small though, you know? But it's cozy - Cozy? - Yeah You know, it's funny When I took a shower this morning, though, there was no hot water so I wasn't too cozy Oh, yeah I forgot to tell you We never have hot water on the weekends Really? Great You know, there's a big hole in the ceiling in the bathroom, too, because this morning, it was funny, I was brushing my teeth, I had a nice view up some guy's boxer shorts That was real nice That's Jim You'll have to meet him He's a good guy Oh, is he? Yeah? Jim's a good guy? Good Good Well, I guess if I'm gonna be looking at his *** every morning, he may as well be a good guy I better get going This is where I work Yeah? Right here, huh? You know, it looks actually like it might get a little chilly in there, seeing as you're standing here practically naked I could run home, you know, and get you a nice big down jacket or a sweatsuit or something, you know? 'Cause that might help I don't think so I'll see you later Bye All right Take it easy Bye Hey, babe What's up? Was that him? Cute, huh? I don't know I mean, I thought he kinda looked like a real jerk Well, thanks, Connie That's real sweet of you No, I'm sorry I know, I mean, he's probably... He's probably a really, really, really, nice guy I don't know Did you have to marry him? Absolutely So I guess you're gonna go to Paris with him instead of me then Well, we really haven't discussed that yet, but Does... Oh Oh, well, it's nice to see you're being upfront and honest at the start of the relationship That's good Hey, I've only known him a week I haven't had a chance to tell him my life story yet, all right? Gimme a break No No, I understand I understand However, it'll just be interesting to see how a cabdriver from Brooklyn feels about moving to Paris, that's all I mean, he'll probably be fine with it No big deal He'll just move to Paris with you It'll never last Believe me Nightmare when they get to know each other Maybe they were made for each other Those things can happen, you know Carol and I met right here at the beach club in 1963 by the pool That's right On a Friday morning By Saturday night, I had her in the dunes - Oh, Jesus! - Carol: Jesus, Ron! They don't want to hear all the details! Come on We've been together ever since There's something to be said for that All right! All right! Enough about the dunes! So, what's going on, Franny? How are things down on Wall Street? - Things are good - Things are good? You're a 25-year-old kid, you make a half a mil a year I'd say things are better than good I hate to spoil the illusion, Ron, but I don't make that kind of money Oh Oh, Francis, do me a favor, please? Don't *** a bullshitter, OK? And by the way, it's been a while since you gave your favorite father-in-law a nice inside tip Yeah, and when are you going to set me up with some of your rich friends? Excuse me, you guys My husband has some ethics, OK? He's not some sort of cheating sleazebag Right, babe? What's the matter? You don't want to share the wealth anymore, kid? It's not the only thing he don't want to share anymore Mom, would you please? Carol: What? What? You getting greedy in your old age, Fran? Huh? You know, it's really nice to come out here and see you guys on the weekends I mean, it's a wonder we don't do it more often - Honey! - Hey! Hey! Don't be getting sarcastic on us, young lady We're your parents, and therefore, you're in no position to approve or disapprove of what we say or do, you understand? Carol: Right! He's right, right, right! Really? Really? Well, my analyst is just going to have a field day with that little bit of psychosis If you two lunatics will excuse me, I'm gonna go play some tennis Her analyst? [Sighs] Don't ask Macrocom I'll call you Monday Hey, babe I'm gonna go to work now, all right? OK You love me? Yeah Yeah Of course I do Good, 'cause I love you Bye All right Take care Thanks a lot 75th and Madison, please So, 75th and Madison, huh? That's a pretty swanky address Excuse me? My God Mickey? Yep What are you doing? I'm... I'm in shock is what I'm doing What are you doing? I'm going home What about you? How you been? You know, I've been good Good Everything's all right? Yeah Yeah Everything's fine So, what about you? You look like you must finally be making some decent money You know Still on Wall Street Not making as much money as I'd like Yeah, well, you were never easy to please, right? So, you know, you married yet? No He hasn't asked just yet Oh, really, huh? Not that hairy ape who was sprawled out on my carpet, I hope No Not him Yeah, well, I can't say I blame you I mean, from what I did see of him, he wasn't too pretty A little on the furry side So, who's the prospective husband? Anybody I know? No I don't think so He and his friends have real jobs Yeah Right From anyone else, I would take that as an insult, But, you know, you seem to forget the fact that I know how you put yourself through college Somebody had to pay for my education, sweetheart Had to bring that up, right? An eye for an eye OK, I've made up my mind I can't go through with this If you're gonna take the television, I think it's only fair that you give me back the watch I mean, it is the watch I gave you, right? Yeah Yeah it is But, uh, like you said, the watch was a gift, and the TV wasn’t If I recall correctly, I did pay for part of the television I mean, it's not like you could afford it on your own OK You want the watch? You can have the watch Doesn't really mean that much to me anyhow It's not the watch I want, Mickey Yeah Why don't we just give that a break already, OK, Heather? Give it a break You mean to tell me that you actually came up here for the television? Yeah Yeah, I did Why do you think I came up here? You are so full of *** Yeah? How do you figure that? You can honestly say that you don't ever think of me anymore? Yeah, sure Of course, you know, I think about you I think, you know, what could have possibly possessed you to take that dirtbag home to my apartment Come on, Mickey We both knew the relationship was over before that I wanted a career, and you wanted Who the hell knows what you wanted? Did you ever figure that out? Yeah, you know what, as a matter of fact, I did Oh, that's right Your brother told me You got married What do you mean, "my brother"? Since when do you speak to Francis? Well, you know, he and his friends have real jobs, So occasionally I run into him Yeah, well, you know, it's, uh, it's a shame he's married You two probably would have hit it off Maybe Anyhow, I'm just sorry that, you know, you had to find out the way that you did I would have liked to have been friends Friends? Really? Yeah Well, you know what, Heather? I don't think that would have worked, actually, Because, see, I got this thing And, uh, I try and keep the number of friends who, like, lie and cheat to me to a minimum Please, Mickey Put your *** sanctimonious *** to rest already Hey, I'm sorry I guess that fact, that, you know, um, I've always tried to behave like a decent human being has rubbed you the wrong way, hasn't it? Yeah, but look where your decency's gotten you You're the only English-speaking white guy driving a cab in New York That should tell you something You know what, Heather? I've got to imagine it beats sucking *** for a living, though, huh? Depends on whose *** it is Hey, Jim Hello, Mick How you hanging, man? Hanging fine Thanks, Mick [Baby Crying] Oh, hey, babe Hey Frigging hot in here today What happened? Yeah I know We lost our electricity again, so Oh, really? Again? Great You know, I really love this place It's great Just grab a beer if you want to cool off Well, you know what, Hope? L... I don't mean to point out the obvious, but, uh, usually the fridge doesn't work if there's no electricity How is it? It's good It's really good It's got a nice warm-*** quality to it, you know? Oh, you're in a good mood, huh? So what's with the TV? Oh, yeah You like it? I figured we needed a TV Yeah, I know It's fine, but where'd you get it? I, um, it's funny you should ask l... I picked up uh, Heather in my cab today And I told you she had the TV, so, you know, basically I told her I wanted my TV back Oh, really? And then what happened? Well, I went to her apartment, I got the TV, and I carried it out You were up in your ex-fiancee's apartment today? How was that? Was it fun? What are you doing, huh? I went up there for the TV That's it Are you mad at me? No Hey, come on, Hope, all right? I mean, enough Hey Hey You know, if there's one thing you don't have to worry about, it's that, all right? Yeah I know I'm allowed to get a little jealous sometimes, aren't I? No No I'm... I'm a good guy Yeah, right I've heard that song and dance before So she have a nicer apartment than us? Well, you know, she's got electricity, so that's, you know, that's kind of nice I'm jealous of them Don't be Please Listen, he's a cab driver She's a waitress They live in a fourth-floor walk-up with no electricity, OK? Yeah, but do you see how they're always all over one another? Bet they have sex all the time Does he ever tell you stuff like that? What? Granted, this man is my brother, but I do not ask him how often he's having sex with his girl I mean, what kind of numbers we talking? Like five, six? Seven times a day? Listen, I'm not telling you anything, OK? Bet it's a lot Remember how much we used to do it when we first got married? Yeah, sure But, honey, you know everyone's like that when they first meet Then you get into a groove You slow down It would be impossible to keep up that level of intensity for an extended period of time I mean, you'd hurt yourself That's why your back's all *** up, huh? You're doing her, what, around the clock? What kind of sick degenerate are you, OK? This is my wife you're talking about I think we have a problem with our sex life Listen, no, we don't Unlike those two animals, we have real jobs and responsibilities We don't have all day to rub up against each other Our sex life is fine, believe me Francis, I cannot remember the last time I saw your *** What? Excuse me What kind of language is that? We're in a public street here Maybe we should get some of those sex improvement tapes, you know? Or I could get some of that stuff from Victoria's Secret Maybe that would help Honey, would you stop talking about this 'cause you're depressing me, OK? I told you, it's... It's a down cycle, that's... that's all What? You're not familiar with the down cycle? No No No Wh-What exactly is the, uh, the down cycle? You know, in a relationship you got ups, downs Sometimes you do it a lot... you know, like you're doing Other times, you know, Not at all Ups and downs Down cycle I feel for you, man You're a... You're a sick individual, and you need help Well, you know, I think maybe we should talk about our apartment situation Why? You don't like our apartment? No, no, no It's not that at all I mean, I like the fact that we never have electricity and hot water, and, I mean, I love the pink walls, you know that I'm just thinking I don't know, maybe it's, like, maybe a little too small for two people Yeah, I know, but there's a chance we'll only be there another month, and then we might be moving to Paris Whoa, whoa, whoa What do you mean we might be moving to Paris? Why would we ever move to Paris? 'Cause I might be going to school there in the fall - This is Paris, France, you're talking about? - Yeah The... The country in Europe where they hate Americans? That's not true They just don't like stupid Americans You know, Hope, I think unfortunately I would probably fall into that category, so, wh-when do we find out about this? I mean, this is a fairly important development in our life, don't you think? I should find out if I get in this week Really? That's great Great Terrific You know, thanks for letting me in on this I, uh, I really appreciate it You know, Mick, maybe your brother's right This would be the perfect time for you to run towards life You think this is something your little wife had in mind? Don't joke about that She's still my wife All of a sudden, he's got a conscience Listen, I think it's time we started discussing our future What about this? Do you think she'd like this? Listen, I'm serious about this We have to decide where this relationship is going Obviously, It's not going anywhere, now, is it, Francis? No Obviously, you don't understand This relationship has to reach the next level, and we, as a couple, have to decide what that next level is Why the sudden urgency? Well, for one thing I don't like the fact that you have sex with a geriatric Well, how do you think I feel about you going home and seeing your wife every night? I haven't had sex with my wife in months Well, I don't know if that's such a good idea, Francis Clearly, you need the practice You know, Francis you're afraid to ask her for a divorce Why don't you just have sex with her in the meantime? Dad, I'm in love with another woman I don't think it would be fair to have sex with Renee Let me get this straight You don't want to cheat on your girlfriend with your wife? Yeah I guess so Jesus Christ, Francis You sure I'm your father? You know, I'm gonna have to double-check with your mother on this Come on, Dad I'm serious How do you think Mom will take it? She's gonna be devastated She's been up at that *** church every morning praying for your brother Then she tells me yesterday I spend too much time on the boat Well, I don't even want to get into that discussion Now you're gonna get divorced Christ She'll be up there with Father John 24 hours a day Thanks a lot, buddy I'm probably going to have to start making my own breakfast again I'm sorry if my divorce interferes with your breakfast plans, Dad Hey, don't get all sensitive on me now, Barbara You know, all your life you've always wanted to screw every good-looking skirt who walked by Now you're making all this money, you're probably finding you can have at least half of them Come on, Dad What have you been telling me my whole life? I gotta do what makes me happy first, right? Besides, it's normal male behavior, right? We can't control millions of years of evolution You know... You know what it's like, really? It's just like you... you've been driving a '74 Buick your whole life Then suddenly, you find yourself behind the wheel of a brand-new Porsche How do you go back to the Buick? Yeah I guess you can't You know what, Dad? I'm really doing this for Renee I'm sure she's gonna be really thrilled Thank you Thanks Hope: Happy anniversary You really enjoyed that, didn't you? They were fun, weren't they? Yeah No, they were They were a lot of fun, but they were also a $12 fare, you know? Oh, they were sweet It was their anniversary Well, I'm very happy for them, but you know what? They looked like they could afford to pay 12 bucks, whereas we, on the other hand, cannot I'll pay the $12, Mr. Cheapo Oh, really Oh And do you happen to have this $12 on you by any chance? No Not right now I'll give it to you later Great Great Listen, you gotta do me a favor You know, I don't mean to sound like a jerk, but next time you ask to come to work with me, remind me to say no And all this time I thought you were romantic I am I am a romantic But you know what it is? As long as it doesn't interfere with paying the rent on time Mick, I would rather live in the back of this cab than let something like rent get in the way of our romance what do you have to say to that? OK OK When you're right, you're right Sure But you know, speaking of backseats, I do know a little place where we could park and maybe, you know, put this backseat theory of yours to the test Yeah? Yeah Let's go Oh, my God Yeah She's been with her sister all day Hold on I think this is her *** Listen, I'll, uh, I'll call you later Hi, honey Who was that? You know, uh, what's-his-face from work Oh You've talked to him a lot lately Anyhow, your old Scott from college was talking to my friend Nicole You know her I went to camp with her sister Patty Right I know Nicole She went to BU with Scott's brother David Well, anyhow, he was telling her that his divorce was just finalized Ohh W-Who got divorced? You know, Scott Sherman Yeah He caught his wife boning her dentist in the shower "Boning"? That's charming Oh Oh This is fatso Four-eyed, greasy-haired Scott? The computer geek tapping on the keyboard there He was not that fat He was a 300-pound sack of ***, hon Maybe to you that's not fat, but, uh, what the hell? You loved the animal Oh, that's really nice And he was not 300 pounds He was slightly overweight, that's all, right? Renee, his *** were bigger than mine All right, all right, so he wasn't so skinny, but he was a very smart, really sweet guy, which is a hell of a lot more than I can say for the two of you You better be sweet, you weigh 500, huh? What is your problem with Scott? He's just a shy, harmless guy Do you have to be in competition with everybody? Well, you know what, hon? If he's such a *** sweetheart and I'm such a creep, why didn't you marry the fat pig? I don't know If I'd known you were going to turn into such an ***, maybe I would have Well, fat or not, guess who's got his phone number? You? You have Scott's phone number? Well, you're not going to call him Of course I am What, you think you're the only one who's gonna marry rich? I need somebody to pick up My Bergdorf bills, too, sweetheart Wh-Where are you from? What do you know? You're my sister There's supposed to be an honor code between siblings I mean, you do not date your sister's ex-boyfriend Honey, let her go out with him What the *** is the big deal, anyway? Unless you, uh, still have feelings for the yard ape No It has nothing to do with that, OK? This is... This has to do with respect That's all: Respect A word that the two of you obviously are not very familiar with My friend Connie doesn't think we'll last another month Why would she say something like that? She thinks you're a jerk Why does she think I'm a jerk? I don't even know this person 'Cause you haven't said yes to Paris yet Yeah Well, you haven't been accepted yet either, have you? Well, I also told her about your brother and father and those weird fishing trips you guys take Hey, don't go bashing the fishing trips, all right? I mean, that's a family tradition Those trips are sacred You don't think it's weird that your mom never goes on the boat? Listen, my dad has a rule No women on the boat You don't think that's a little strange, Mick? I mean, yeah, it's strange, but that's the way my dad thinks, you know? He's from the old school OK So what's Fran's excuse? Franny, you know, Franny... Franny's got some issues Yeah I'd say so What are you doing getting me gifts? You don't have to give me anything It was nothing Do you like it? Yeah, of course l... I love it Hey, what happened to, uh, the TV? What, your brother didn't tell you? My brother? Tell me what? It was his TV He came up here and got it My brother? Your ex-fiancé was up in this apartment? When was this? I don't know A few weeks ago Picked me up in his cab You didn't want to share this with me? Jesus, Franny, since when do I have to tell you anything? Wait, wait, wait So my brother came into your bedroom and took a TV? That's it? No actually, I tried to get him in bed, but he wasn't interested That's very funny You know, he's married now Picked up some psycho waitress, and, like, married her in his cab or some *** like that I know, you told me Sort of surprising move coming from Mickey, don't you think? It would have been nice to see some of that impulsiveness when we were together What the *** does that mean? Nothing [Knock On Door] Hey, Fran What are you doing here? What, can't come by and see my big bro? Yeah, sure Jesus Christ What a *** dump Hey, uh, like the pink walls, though Finally, uh, comfortable with that part of yourself, huh? You can't just come in, sit down, and keep your mouth shut, right, moneybags? That would just be too difficult for you, huh? I'm sorry Forgot Mr. Summer Breeze is so "sensitivo" Hey, I like the, uh, like the TV How'd you... How'd you swing that one, man? I thought that you two were broke, or Yeah Yeah, we still are, but, um you actually won't believe this I picked up, uh, Heather in my cab, and, you know, we got to talking, and she said she still had my old TV So I, you know, I went up to her place and, uh, you know, took it It's kind of strange seeing her again, you know? So you went back and took your TV? Well, you see it sitting there, don't you? You didn't feel like a loser? Wh-Why would I feel like a loser? Oh, I don't know, uh, three years go by, and you scurry back for a TV? I mean, it's like, admitting you're a failure and you can't afford a new TV How the hell do we have the same blood pumping through our veins? You really think I give a *** what Heather thinks about me? I mean, come on, Franny So'd you you *** her? Did l... Did I what? Well, you're up in the apartment Did you did you put it to her? You *** her? What... Wh-Wh-What do you think? I'm some sort of degenerate? You think I'm some sort of immoral skell who cheats on his wife? Listen, I don't cheat on my wife, OK? Oh, so so you didn't *** her? L-l-It just dawned on me, Franny You haven't fully evolved yet, have you? Mick, come on, I mean, you almost married this woman Then you're going up to be alone in her apartment to get a TV I don't buy it What do you want to hear, all right? I mean, do you want to hear that I had sex with her? I mean, would that make you happy? All right, yeah No, I did her I did her on the kitchen table We did it on the couch We even did it on the frigging TV It was beautiful I mean, I think you would have been proud of me Hey, play all the games you want to play, Mick, but I'm a man I know what I know Oh, you know what you know Listen, you know, Franny, l... I don't need this *** from you, OK? I don't need you to come over to my apartment and bust my hump Why don't you just do me a favor and get the hell out of here, OK? Sure, I'll I'll do you that favor Don't hurry back, all right? *** I'm sorry, Mick See, I get so guilty about this *** divorce I shouldn't feel guilty about that, right? No No You shouldn't What you should feel guilty about, though, is *** that other woman for the last six months That's what you should feel guilty about Tom if you were single, would you date your brother's ex-girlfriend? I don't have a brother, Mr. Fitzpatrick But if you did, is that off-limits? I'd have to say that only the lowest of the low, a real scumbag, would date his brother's ex There's a code between siblings Thanks, Tom Thanks She's beautiful, isn't she? Yeah Yeah, she really is You know she got her acceptance letter today? Yeah, I know She showed it to me You better go with her to Paris, all right? Because it's bad enough that you broke my heart when you swept her off her feet, and I am absolutely not going to let any man hurt her again, OK? Broke your heart? How did I manage to break your heart? I mean, I just what, when did I meet you, five minutes ago? My heart belongs to Hope I love her You love her? Yeah Do you guys have some sort of special relationship that maybe, you know, I should be aware of, seeing as, like, I'm married to her? Maybe, you know She didn't tell you about that? No No, she seems to, uh, have forgotten to mention it, actually Oh, oh, no, No, no, nothing... nothing like that Nothing *** or anything Good That's a... That's a good thing Um, but, who knows? I mean, maybe one day if I'm lucky, you'll let me share her with you Hmm Hey Yeah Your friend Connie here, she, um she claims you guys have a like a... some sort of special relationship or something Did she ask if you would share me? Yeah Yeah, she she asked about that Well, what do you think of that? Well, you know, I mean, to be perfectly honest, the idea of, you know, two women at once seems like, you know, like a pleasant way to spend an evening But you know, of course not if one of the, you know, girls were my wife You know, I don't want to do it with anyone else, So, you know, so, yeah No You better believe you don't want to do it with anyone else But you and her... I mean, you guys actually never consummated, you know, this love that she speaks of? No Well, it does... It does paint a pretty mental picture, doesn't it, right? I mean, I hear it's very popular in... in Paris You know, the whole ménage a trois thing is French, right? Yeah Don't get too smart there, funny man So, are you gonna come? To... To Paris? I don't know you... you're definitely, I mean, you're serious about, you know, going through with this? Yeah Yeah, well, then, I guess I gotta go, right? I guess so So you're really gonna move to Paris? Yeah I guess it looks that way Wow Well, I bet you didn't count on that when you met her, huh? I don't know, Fran, you know? I mean, I'm I'm starting to feel confused about this thing, you know? What, are you kidding me? I don't know You know what? You know, it's like I don't even know this girl I mean, she's got these weird friends, she loves this dump we live in, and now, all of a sudden, she brings up this moving to Paris thing I don't know, you remember our little discussion about when I went over to Heather's that day? Yeah I mean, I don't know, that's got me freaked out, too You know, I mean, part of me wanted to hate her, and part of me wanted to I don't know, there was a weird connection, you know? I mean, we almost got married a few years ago Mick, come clean You *** her Franny, don't start, all right? Hey, Mick, come on You're talking about a weird connection here, I mean Wh-What, are you still in love with her? No No, it's nothing like that But what? I mean, did she say that she's in love with you, or No I'm just saying it was weird, you know? Seeing her again That's all I mean, it was nothing Forget I said it Yeah, I can meet you there 46th and 8th All right Nice spot you picked here Yeah, well, you know, I, uh, figured it was safe Don't flatter yourself, Mickey I'm just here to talk OK Why don't we talk? Well, I was thinking about how I, um, treated you a few weeks ago, and I just wanted to apologize for that And for that night Yeah, well It's a long time ago, right? I mean, it happens So, do you... you think we can be friends? Yeah Yeah, sure We can be friends And you know, I'm sorry, too, about bringing up, you know, the whole, uh, college tuition payment plan thing, you know? Sort of fun seeing one another again, huh? Don't you think? I mean, I don't know if I'd call it fun, but, uh, you know, certainly interesting You know, I've been thinking a lot about you since you came up that day, and I don't know, sort of thinking, uh, maybe things could have been different Maybe we made a mistake We? Hey, all I did was come home in the middle of night to find you and, you know, gorilla boy, in your birthday suits OK So I made the mistake, But, I mean, did you have to run off like that, never to be heard from again? Yeah I mean, what did you expect me to do? Jump in and join the party? No I don't know Maybe give it another chance What... and... and and break up this beautiful new friendship? I'm not about to do that Besides, you know, um I'm married now, you know, so I'm gonna get out of here Bye Your mother told me he's still giving you that down cycle nonsense 32 years your mother and I have been married I don't think we've hit a down day, let alone a down cycle Mom, would you just make him go away, please? Yeah, really, Dad, that is disgusting What's disgusting? That's true love, young lady Please spare us I'm going to spare you I'm leaving I know when I'm not wanted Good Thank you And, hello, could we please not talk about my sex life anymore? Is that possible, please? Oh, excuse me, but playing with a vibrator does not qualify as having a sex life Why does she know that I have a vibrator? She's your sister Look, honey, maybe you should take him to see a doctor All right, look, Mom, don't start No, it could be physical Maybe he's having a problem with his What kind of problem? You know Getting an *** Mom, come on I'm warning you It's possible Maybe he's gay All right Francis is not gay Molly's right He could be You never know He's always been a bit of a dandy You... Excuse me This is my husband we're talking about here, OK? Listen, honey, here's what you do You go and get yourself some of that Victoria's Secret stuff It worked for us If he doesn't want you then, maybe he is gay Dad, look, OK? My husband is not a homosexual, OK? Yeah, but he's definitely under suspicion What are you talk... What is that supposed to mean? "He's under suspicion"? Well No! This is just a stage [Vibrator Humming] I'm sorry I looked pretty damn good in that thing, and he barely even looked at me What did I tell you? He's definitely *** I know I think you might be right Call his father and tell him about it He'll get it out of him So, are you? Dad, I told you I'm in love with another woman You're my father How could you say that to me? Franny, I just want to let you know I'm OK with it If you are or you aren't, it's all right with me I'll always love you Thanks, Dad but I'm not gay What do you think? Hell, I don't know Renee called and told me the story It sure as hell sounds like he could be He says he isn't, but you kids are all so *** nuts, it wouldn't surprise me I don't think you have to worry about it If anybody would know, I would He's not gay The kid wears cologne, for Christ's sake Get the hell out of here I mean, come on, Fran, you're kind of prissy, all right? I mean, you like cooking, clothing, and furniture And, I mean, you wear that frigging cologne, so, you know Oh, that's brilliant, Mick That makes me gay? No, I'm just saying some people might read you as less than straight And if you are, I'm your brother, and I'll always love you, sweet boy H-Hold on a sec, OK? J-just stop and give me a minute here And look at this maleness How could you possibly think I am gay? Because you don't look at me anymore, let alone touch me How many times do I have to remind you? If you mention that *** down cycle one more time, I swear to God, I will cut that maleness right off, OK? It's just not natural for you to not want to have sex your wife at least once in the last three months! Whoa, whoa Why is it my fault?! Maybe it's your fault! Did you ever think about that? Excuse me?! How could this be my fault, huh? I went out there, and I bought all that lingerie crap, and you didn't even look at me! Was I not working that night? I'm sorry Do you remember this at all? Maybe Maybe you've got a problem or something I mean, do you think you're impotent? What? No Well, maybe maybe you caught some, like, disease or something Oh, yeah That's it, babe Syphilis OK, Francis, look Honey, if you're a homosexual, you can tell me, OK? I will understand I won't be mad But you got to talk to me Listen, will you cut it out with the homosexual business? It's getting me all skeeved out every time you say it Fine You want to know what's wrong? I'll just come right out and say it Please! I would I'm in love with someone else I want a divorce [Softly] What? Since when? Just a few months Who is he? Enough with that OK? It's a she She's a woman She's a beautiful, intelligent, sophisticated woman Hmph What does that make me? I'm sorry, I didn't mean it like that It wasn't a comparison Listen, don't cry I'm not crying I'm leaving [Sighs] He's not gay He's seeing another woman, and he wants a divorce I need a cigarette Well, I guess you can go ahead and send her your vibrator She's gonna need it Ohhhh Your father scares me I don't think he likes me Hope, I'm telling you he likes you, OK? Just the other day, he was telling me how sweet he thinks you are I don't know There's just something I don't like about her She's kind of stuck up, don't you think? No, not at all I mean, she's shy with new people, that's all I don't know He seemed to get upset when I told him I don't talk to my parents anymore Now I know you're being paranoid, because the guy hated his father, and he didn't speak to him for years What kind of a person cuts their parents off? I don't know She said they were really mean Don't give me that load of horse *** Nobody was a meaner son of a *** than my old man, but I was there for him until the day he died So he doesn't think I tricked you into this? Granted, he thinks we're nuts, but he said, "As long as you're in love, who cares what anyone else thinks" You didn't give a *** what anybody else thought, did you? You ought to hear what people are saying Who's saying anything? Your poor mother thinks you got this girl pregnant She's just waiting for that announcement Dad, I knew her for 24 hours before we got married, OK? I didn't have time to get her pregnant And your brother and I think she's an illegal She's using you to get a green card Oh, really? She's from Vermont Vermont, my *** She looks like she's from one of the islands Yeah Maybe Rhode Island Hey, Don't get smart with me, wise-*** You leave this to me I'm going to get to the bottom of this one Hey, Mr. Deluca Hey, Mickey How you are you, huh? Good, good Fine Come to buy a drill for your dad's birthday, huh? Yeah How'd you know? Your mother was in this morning She told me all about it She's a fine-looking woman Who... Who's a fine-looking woman? Your mother! She's beautiful Bellissima! Your father, he don't know how lucky he is Me? I'm not so lucky My wife... 42 years of marriage... she has no love for me Ah, well That's for another time Hey, how you gonna pay for this? Um, just put it on the old man's tab, all right? You take care of yourself, Mr. Deluca, all right? Fine Nice to meet you Ciao Arrivederci Oh, hey, Mickey, Mickey! Say hello to your mother, huh? [Speaking Angrily] No, wait, now Wait a min... Damn it [Tires Screeching] You really are a ***, aren't you? Dad, I had to tell her You had to tell her in the middle of my birthday dinner Now she's gone up to see Father John She probably won't be back here for three weeks You're gonna find my laundry on your doorstep, buddy Why is she so upset? She didn't even like Renee Hey, in case you've forgotten, moron, as a Catholic, you're not supposed to get divorced Yeah, you're supposed to live unhappily and lie to one another for the rest of your life Hey, wait a minute I don't give a *** what you say out there, but when you're in my house, you're not gonna start bashing the Church What are you getting so upset about, Dad? I mean, you don't even believe in God Doesn't mean I stopped being a good Catholic Excuse me I need a moment I'm gonna go talk to him That's not a good idea, Hope You had to bring up the divorce during dinner, right? Hey, don't blame this all on me, Mick She was complaining he spends too much time on the boat anyway This guy's 60 years old He wants to spend the rest of his life on that boat, he should be allowed Yeah, what about Mom? What should she do, sit around here and wait for him? It's his life, Mick Are you OK? Yeah I'm sorry about that in there Me and the missus haven't been seeing eye to eye these days Well 34 years we've been together I guess things change [Chuckles] So, uh, Mickey tells me you kids are moving to Paris Yeah I'm going to the Sorbonne How come? For my PhD Ohh Yeah, you look French Uh, European Or, uh maybe from one of the islands Oh, yeah? What islands? Oh, I don't know So, where are you from? Vermont Ohh So you're an American citizen? Yeah Yeah Good You know, it's funny Mrs. Fitzpatrick... my wife... she found out Mickey got married, she was understandably upset, you know? She thought it might be some sort of shotgun wedding, seeing as we've never seen you before So there's nothing you want to tell me? No 'Cause if you are pregnant, I mean, that's fine You know, I always thought it'd be nice to have a few grandkids running around the house Thought maybe Franny and Renee would give me a few, but that didn't work out What about you? Thanks, but, no, I'm not pregnant Oh, OK Ah, God And you are an American citizen? Last time I checked Yeah, yeah I thought so Tell me where you got it Why? Francis, just tell me where you got it, OK? I told you before It was a gift Yeah, yeah I know that From who though? What's the big deal? It's a watch The big deal is it looks a hell of a lot like a watch I used to own, OK? What does that mean? Just tell me where you got the *** watch, ***, all right? I don't have to tell you anything Listen to me, Francis, that watch on your wrist is my old watch When I went to get my TV from Heather, I gave her the watch Now you're wearing the watch What I want to know is why the *** are you wearing my watch? OK Heather gave it to me Yeah, no ***, *** Tracy But what I want to know is why Listen, Mick, it's a long story I should've told you before I should've told you before, but... 'Cause I didn't know how Yeah, you've been having a lot of trouble lately with that, haven't you? The woman I've been seeing is Heather My Heather No My Heather You're having sex with my Heather? My ex-fiancée That *** who broke my heart Francis: I love her, Mick Mick: No, you don't Yes, I do Let's get this straight, OK? You do not love my ex-fiancée Can you understand that? Francis: No You get this straight I'm going to marry her, Mick You... What the *** are you talking about? You're gonna marry her? You don't even know her, you *** moron! What the hell's going on here?! You know why this skell is leaving Renee? 'Cause he's screwing around with Heather the *** Don't call her a *** Hey, man, I'll call her whatever the *** I want to call her You're my brother, man What the hell are you doing? What do you got to say for yourself? *** him I know why he's really pissed Don't even go there, *** I should kick your *** for calling my girl a *** Oh, now she's your girl You hear this? Yeah, she's my girl And I'm gonna kick your *** *** How do you like that, Mr. Loser-Cab-Driver-Can't-Afford-A-New-TV? All right, ladies! OK, let's take this outside Come on I hope you realize how stupid you all look You're grown men You're supposed to be brothers Sorry, Hope, but sometimes this is the only way you can solve these things OK, girls Uh-uh I'm not gonna fight you, Fran I know that, Mick I'm gonna beat you You're gonna bleed Don't worry It shouldn't take long We got to do this? I mean, with the gloves and everything? What, are we in fifth grade again? Oh, you should have thought of that before you called her a *** He's right Now, come on No punching below the belt, no kicking, and, Francis, no biting Let's go May the best man win 25 *** years I've been waiting for the day I'd be bigger, tougher, stronger than you When you go down it's gonna hurt, baby I'm gonna kick your *** *** You ready? You ready to be humiliated in front of your new wife and your father? You are an ugly *** I pity you Great punch, Mick You always did have a great right Come on, Dorothy It's all over Hey Hey How you doing? Not bad What happened to you? I told Mickey about us One punch? It was a cheap shot Hey, Hope, this had nothing to do with Heather, OK? I mean, this had to do with me and Fran You know, he's tried to turn our entire lives into a competition That was just another way of him saying, "*** you, Mickey I won" Well, I don't buy it, Mick Something else was going on there, and you know it Listen, Hope, you know, I don't know what to tell you, all right? I mean, that's what it was about I'm gonna go take a shower Does it hurt? No, no It's fine Listen I've got something for you What's this? Will you marry me? You have to get divorced first, Fran Well, yeah Sure, but Well, this will be like a pre-divorce, pre-engagement engagement ring Open it Fran you didn't have to do this Come here, you poor little thing So? Why are you doing this? Because I love you Can I have some time to think about it? Yeah I'm not going anywhere You know, Mick, I got to side with Hope on this one You had no reason to be pissed at Franny Are you kidding me, Dad? Hey, don't think for a second I can't still knock you on your ***, OK? Sorry But, I mean, you know what Fran was up to My entire life he's been pulling crap like this with me Let me tell you something You're no different You wouldn't have been standing out in the backyard with the gloves on if you were And if you don't believe me, let me refresh your memory Little League You're 12, he's 11 He's pitching, you're at bat He's got a full count on his big brother... his idol If he strikes you out, he's the hero What does he do? He throws you a meatball right down the middle If you take it and go down looking, you make Franny the hero But you swing away Hey So how we doing? You tell me Well, you know, I want to apologize for the other night I think this whole thing is crazy and stupid But it's like you know I'm... I'm a little confused So, how's your friend Heather? Wouldn't know Well, look, Mick I've been doing some thinking and, uh who were we kidding? We only knew one another for a few hours There's no way that was going to work, right? I mean, I don't know if I'd say that It's just, you know, when you brought up the whole Paris thing, it kind of threw me, you know? I don't know You're using that as an excuse We both know what's really going on here I'm leaving for Paris on Monday, and I think it's best if I go alone Um, you... you sure about that? No, but I've made up my mind What did he say? Not much Did he fight for you? No Not really Oh What are you going to do about Paris? You going to go alone? Yeah Hiya, Fran Hey, Mick What are you doing here? What, I can't come by to see my little brother? So? So, what happened, huh? Out of all the thousands of women in Manhattan you just happened to fall in love with Heather? Mick, that's not how it happened We both work on Wall Street We run in similar circles Oh, Jesus Give me a break, Fran What, do you think I'm a moron? I'm your brother, man What were you thinking? You just had to go after her, right? It wasn't like that, Mick! What is your problem anyway? You're still in love with this woman? Is that why this bothers you? No, it has nothing to do with that, OK? We're not in competition anymore, Fran Look at your life, man You won already You got the big apartment, You got the nicer clothes You're Mr. Big-Swinging- ***-Around-Town What more do you want? Maybe he just wants to be happy Oh, to be happy Really? Oh, that's... that's great Yeah, well, who am I to get in the way of this... What was it? "Happiness" Franny obviously hasn't told you yet Told me what? Your brother's asked me to marry him Great Great That's terrific Hey, congratulations Thank you Hey, are you out of your *** mind? Don't start with me, Mick I love her Hey, hey No, you don't, OK? You don't love her because she's unlovable Oh, so you didn't love her now? Yeah, I did, but that was a long time ago, and I was a stupid jerk-off who thought he could change her Yeah, well, I don't want to change her That's 'cause you don't know her, Fran Ohh Oh, I don't know her OK Franny, listen to me, all right? I mean I didn't want to have to tell you this, but if you're going to marry this girl, there's a lot about her you should know Drop it Because there's nothing you can say that's gonna change the way I feel about her, OK, Mick? Listen, Franny, don't be so sure about that, all right? When she was, um When she was in college, she, uh you know, paid her way through school by You know, she was a She was a call girl What do you mean "a call girl"? I mean, you call a service, they send her over, she does her thing... Whoa Whoa What are you saying? Like a ***? No no, not like a *** She was a *** You are so sick, Mick You would stoop to this level You think I'd make something like this up? Get the *** out of here! Because the only reason you're saying this is 'cause you don't want me and Heather to be together! No I'm saying this because I'm your brother I don't want you to find out after you're married I'm sorry, man, but it's true She's a ***? L-I knew she was seeing some other guy, but What the ***? Mickey, I can't marry a *** Hey, come on, Franny It's not that big a deal It's not like she's a *** anymore Not that big a deal? Mickey, you're my brother How could you keep this from me? L-l-I got to... I got to get some air Listen, tell her T-Tell her I I don't care what you tell her [Door Slams Shut] Where's Franny? He, um You know, he's not feeling so good all of a sudden He went out to get some air You told him? Yeah, well, he is my brother, right? Yeah, but you always said you didn't have a problem with that I still don't But, you know if he's gonna marry you, I think he's got a right to know, right? Yeah, well, we'll see what he's really made of, I guess, huh? [Door Opens] [Door Slams Shut] What the hell you talking about, Father? She left this morning, said she was going up there I just came from the church She isn't up there now In fact, I haven't seen her at Mass for six months Hey, john, better start mixing a little more water with that wine She goes to the 8:00 Mass every morning She's up there praying for the boys Not in my church, she doesn't [Glass Shatters] Lucky I didn't kill that little ***! So, what's with Dad? He's half in the bag He's acting crazy So, what happened today? Mom left him this morning She'd been going up to Deluca's hardware store every day and Ohh, I can't even stomach it Screwing around with Mr. Deluca Oh, my God Mom and Deluca? Frank: ***! That's disgusting Dad goes up there today... They're in a back room You should have seen it It was ugly Dad gave the guy a horrible beating Christ What about Mom? What? Where'd she go? She went to church to pray for Dad Pray for me, my ***! She's the one who's gonna need prayers now! Man Tommy, do I look as good as I think I do? Very handsome, Mr. Fitzpatrick How's the hair, babe? Um still there, sir It's gonna be a good day, Tom Good day indeed, my man First day of the rest of my life Making some changes, babe Heather, what... what's going on here? I'm leaving No, forget that You can't leave Listen, I'm in love with you I still want to marry you I'm sorry, Francis Here's your ring I can't marry you Why not? Because Papa and I were married this morning Wh-What the... One day you say you're gonna marry me, the next you're running off to marry the old man He loves me Of course he loves you! You're a beautiful young woman He's got one foot in the grave! This is not because he makes more money than I do No Don't tell me this has anything to do with the sex Certainly didn't help matters much And you know what, Franny? He didn't care about my past Oh, he doesn't care about your past Well, maybe that's due to the fact that he doesn't know you were a *** He was my best customer Thanks for the memories You've ruined my life! [Line On Speaker Phone Ringing] Renee: Hello? Renee? Hello, Francis What can I do for you? Ahem Listen, this is very hard for me to say But l... I feel Listen, I know I made a mistake I know I've been selfish and thoughtless and self-concerned but I'm gonna change I want the chance to do the right thing I want you to come home I miss you I'm gonna pay more attention to you I want the chance to make it work again Will you come home? I mean, come on, Francis What do you want from me here, huh? I don't think so You know, a day late and a dollar short, you know what I mean? You know, and quite honestly, uh, I don't think I could survive another one of your down cycles [Dial Tone] [Pop Music Playing] Hey, Carol, what's doing? Hi What are you doing here? I'm, uh looking for Hope She here? No Mm-mmm She's not You know maybe where she might be? 'Cause, uh, I want to talk to her, you know, before she goes Look, Mick you *** up, all right? You're a jerk You broke her heart just like I told her you would Why don't you just get out of here? All right Um, do me a favor I mean, tell her that I, uh, tell her that I came by and, you know, that I want to see her before she goes OK? And tell her that I, uh, tell her that I miss her Mick was just here Well, what did he want? I still say he's a prick, OK? But he did sound upset and he did say that he missed you And he said he wants to see you before you go So maybe you should go by and see him or something [Telephone Rings] Tortilla Flats Uh, hold on a second It's Mick's dad Hello I blew it I blew it, man I had the greatest woman in the world and I blew it Hey, you don't know from blowing it, pal I had the perfect wife I screwed it up No, you didn't, man I had the perfect wife But you're right, you did screw it up for me So, thanks I owe you one You know what, Mick? If you really think about it, all this is, uh entirely your fault Oh, really? How do you, uh How do you figure that? Well, if you never, uh, met and got involved with Heather where would we be now? It's an interesting theory I hope you didn't hurt yourself coming up with that one, all-star I just, I mean, I still can't believe that you wanted to marry her I mean, you really... You are a confused and... and demented soul It's... It's very upsetting to me, You know, as your brother Oh, me? Confused? Hey, listen, pal, I'm not the fool who's gonna let his new bride go enjoy a wonderful honeymoon in Paris without him What, do you think I don't want to go? You know, she said she didn't want me there, so what am I supposed to do? Well you want to get married without a best man? Pay the price, pal By the way Remember, it's six hours ahead over there Sorry Yeah Ahem Why don't we give this to the bartender, huh? It's gonna get nippy out there, boys And this is probably gonna be our last fishing trip of the season Franny, sit down a minute, will you? I want to talk to you kids You know Seeing as we're all sitting here, crying in our beers while our women are out living their lives, I I got to think that maybe I got to apologize to you guys for all the rotten advice I've been giving you Don't be so hard on yourself You don't have to apologize to us Yeah, I do I did it to both of you, though Look at you You're a *** mess, and I'm partly responsible I don't even know what to tell you First time in my life I'm at a loss for words What do you think's gonna happen between you and Mom now? I don't know We had a down cycle We just couldn't get out of it I told you It happens Hey Enough of this horse *** Come on We gonna go fishing or what? You know, this isn't gonna be so bad, boys Long as we got each other, we'll do fine Deirdre, are you coming? I don't think I'm gonna make it today, Dad Why the hell not? Because Hope's going to Paris tomorrow, and I'm going to go with her All right Well, can't make it fishing, maybe you can help us load up the gear Hey Hi What are you, uh What are you doing here? I don't know really Your dad called to invite me fishing Yeah? What about, uh what about Paris? What about Paris? You, uh, you still think you want to go alone? Mick, come on I didn't come to Brooklyn this morning to go fishing with your father Frank: You see, Hope? All these years he's been ignoring my advice Now he's finally wising up Frank: Come on, Mickey, get your *** in the boat! Give me a hand Hey, Mr. Fitz, don't you think I should drive? I think maybe we should take this one step at a time, honey [Tom Petty Song Begins] (music) Some days are diamonds (music) (music) Some days are rocks (music) (music) Some doors are open (music) (music) Some roads are blocked (music) (music) Sundowns are golden (music) (music) Then fade away (music) (music) And if I never do nothin' (music) (music) I'm coming back someday (music) (music) 'Cause you got (music) (music) A heart so big (music) (music) It could crush this town (music) (music) And I can't hold out forever (music) (music) Even walls fall down (music) (music) All around your island (music) (music) There's a barricade (music) (music) Keeps out the danger (music) (music) Close out the pain (music) (music) And sometimes you're happy (music) (music) And sometimes you cry (music) (music) Half of me is ocean (music) (music) Half of me is sky (music) (music) But you got (music) (music) A heart so big (music) (music) It could crush this town (music) (music) And I can't hold out forever (music) (music) Even walls fall down (music) [Harmonica Solo] (music) Some things are over (music) (music) Some things go on (music) (music) Part of me you carry (music) (music) Part of me is gone (music) (music) But you got (music) (music) A heart so big (music) (music) It could crush this town (music) (music) And I can't hold out forever (music) (music) Even walls fall down (music) (music) You got (music) (music) A heart so big (music) (music) It could crush this town (music) (music) And I can't hold out forever (music) (music) Even walls fall down (music) [Music Ends] [Another Tom Petty Song Begins Playing] (music) I hope you never (music) (music) Fall in love (music) (music) Hope you never get (music) (music) Your heart broken (music) (music) I hope you never (music) (music) Fall in love with (music) (music) Somebody like you (music) (music) And I wish you well (music) (music) I wish you (music) (music) Everything (music) (music) And more (music) (music) Forgive my ignorance (music) (music) I was starting to ramble (music) (music) On and on (music) (music) Starting to ramble (music) (music) On and on (music) (music) I hope you never (music) (music) Give a damn (music) (music) Hope you never get (music) (music) Your heart broken (music) (music) I hope you never (music) (music) Fall in love with (music) (music) Somebody like you (music) (music) I hope you never (music) (music) Fall in love with (music) (music) Somebody like you (music) {{{the end}}}