One For The Money - English Transcript

I'm Stephanie Plum, and this is... my story. I was born and raised in the blue collar town of Trenton called the Burke. Here, houses are modest, yards are small... and cars are American. - Stephanie! - Hey... guys! And at this point in my life, I have no food in my fridge, four dollars and checking... And I'm driving to my parents' house in a car I can no longer afford. - Your father needs to eat! - I'm coming. The clock on the dash told me I was five minutes late. My life time with my mother told me she think that meant I was dead. - I though you were dead. - Five minutes late, Mom. - What's for dinner? - Pot roast. Dried out but not roast. As for my dad, those five minutes were spend contemplating how to kill Grandma Mazur, and where to bury the body. Guess who died? I read it today. You'd never guess. Jimmy. With the bumpy ears. Seventy-two. Dead... electrocuted. Ma! His poor mother... You are not eating. I've got some not so great news. - You found a lump? - Come on! - No! I've got let go from Macy's. - Those ***! - 6 months ago. - 6 months? You just now telling me? - For the love of God... - I know. I know. I've got maybe 10 minutes left with the car, so... that's my news. What I need to get is a... - ... job. - Husband. Bernie Kuntz is single. Ma, I had a husband, I didn't like it. I don't want another one. Yes, a job. Because as hard it is to imagine it... It's just not a lot out there for a department store lingerie manager. You'd think there would be. Who wouldn't enjoy a nice thong? Ridiculous! Nobody panic, just them towing my car. What? I thought you said 10 more minutes. My judgements a little screwy. Good judgement is for sissies. I can't take it anymore! Little FYI, your cousin is looking for someone to help with the filing. - Which cousin? - Vinnie. He tried to make out with me at my own wedding. He's a flawed individual. This is my place, the appliances predated my grandmother but it suits me. I hate to tell you, Rex but you're going nowhere, that's official. - Hello... - Gramp? You need to look through that peep hole before you answer the door. I could have an axe or worse. - You wanna come in? - Yeah. Not so much, I've got a little something for you. Big Blue! Gramp, I can't take Big Blue. And how did you get here? You don't have a driving licence. What? You're gonna ride a bus like a gypsy? People ride the bus all the time. Not when they could be riding in style. Alright, thank you. You know, you might wanna run a comb through your hair, you'll feel better. I feel fine. Okay, run a comb through your hair and I'll feel better. Now go get some clothes on and give me a ride home. Go on. This is my cousin Vinnie's business. Every scumbags and sleazeballs in Trenton had passed through here but, anything is better than marrying Bernie Kuntz. So, here I am... Stephanie Plum, swear to Christ, I thought you were here to make bail. That would have been sad. You looked confused? It's me, Connie Rossoli. You graduated Central, with my little sister, Tina. Tina Rossoli! Holy crap! How's she doing? Not good. Big as a house. Enough about me and mine. You were here to see Vinnie, regarding what? - I heard you guys had a filing job? - No. No? What do mean no? Now we moved some files into storage last week. Two days work. It's a crappy job, you spend all days on your knees. If you're gonna spend that much time on your knees, you could find something that pays better. You know what I mean. Yeah, you guys got anything? Full time, part-time, freelance... just till I get my feet back on the ground. Maybe Vinny will let you do some skips chasing. How comfortable are you with the low lifes? Sold lingerie for 3 years in Newark. You're good to go. Tell you what, Morty Beyers is down for the count, ruptured appendix. Disgusting, these are his cases. Can I look at them? FTA? "Failure To Appears" skipped out on bail. Bring him in... you'll get 10% of the bond, adds up. Yeah? I could do this. I don't know Steph, you're dealing with criminals. I got to say "no". I can either apprehend criminals or becomes one. That's where I met them. - It's that bad? - Yeah. Joe Morelli skipped out on bail? No, no, no, you stay away from that. That man's half a million! I'll give it all up to put his *** in jail. Give it all up? You've got nothing left to give. Remember you just say, you've nothing left to give, so... It's a figure of speech, Vin. I remained unconvinced. Alright, take a couple of civil cases of Morty, alright. But you stay away from Joe Morelli's. You mucked it up, I lose my business. His mother will lose the house. Only bad will come of it. - I need the 50 grand! - Nope. You stuck your tongue in my mouth at my wedding! I was drunk, okay! I was drunk, and you resembled someone else... so there's nothing like it. I was wearing a big white dress and a veil. I gave you a job, get. You know, I used to get my nails done, by this very chatty manicurist, who moonlights as a dominatrix of all things. - How chatty? - Deeply chatty. How's your wife? There are some men who went to a women's life and screwed it up forever. Joe Morelli did this to me, he was the big catch in our neighbourhood. And I thought I caught him when I gave him my virginity on the floor of a tasty pastry bakery, I worked at when I was seventeen. Unfortunately for me, he never call after. Joe? Unfortunately for him, I hold a grudge. It's not like I really thought he was going to open the door and followed me to the station, and collect the bag of money, but... - Can I ask you a question? - What? What if he is innocent? It's not my problem, Mary Lou. You're my oldest friend, Stephanie. Let it go. Crap! Mooch Morelli just pull in here. Oh wow, did he lose like 70 pounds? Yeah, lap band. He got tired of being known as Joe's fat cousin. Now he's known as Joe's ugly cousin. It's so unfair. No, I think he looks better, you're not being very nice. Would you hang up the phone, and go check the car for clues. Great. Oh ***, ***, ***, ***... Be cool, Steph. Play it cool. Luckily, Mooch's car wasn't too hard to follow. It was pretty flashy and yellow. I think I found my guy. Now, all I have to do... come up with a plan and bring him in. Hey! - What do you want? - Morelli! Huh! Morelli. God. Oh Jesus, Stephanie Plum! What the hell? Wow! Still charming! Oh, is that the girl who rammed me over with the car! That was an accident. My foot slipped. Accident my ***, you jumped the *** kerb, broke my leg in three different places! I think of you everytime it rains. See... that right there! Almost charming but not quite. Heard you moved back here after your divorce. Yeah? Well, I heard you killed a guy. - And? - And... You're in violation of your bond agreement. I'm gonna need you to come clean. Vinnie sent you to bring me in? Yeah, you think that's funny? Yeah I do. And I gotta tell you, I could use a good joke these days because... I haven't had a lot to laugh about lately. You know what I mean? Okay, we can do this the easy way or the hard way. - Hey! - Hey! You got no gun, you got no cuffs, and you got no back-up. I mean seriously Plum, thanks for the laugh. What about your mother? What about my mother? She mortaged her house! She's gonna lose everything, Don't you even care? Hey! Listen to me. - You listen to me! - God! I'd cut my own throat before I let you bring me into custody! Because number one, I am a cop. You know what happens to cop's in jail? Not pretty. And number two, you're the last person I'll let to collect the money. Because you're the *** woman who's taken to ram me over because I didn't call after I nailed you. We're ancient history. Like the pryamid, baby! It was an accident! You're going down the road. God. I mean it, I'll just come after you! Fine, I'm getting my keys, get in my car... I got to say, I liked the way you let your hair go curly like that. Such a personality... you know. It's got a lot of energy. Not much control. Sexy as hell. You know nothing about my personality. Yeah? But I know about the sexy as hell part. Thanks for reminding me. Oh... Oh... Come on! Good to see ya, cupcake! You're an animal! Yes, he was an animal but we knew that already. Could you moved up a little? You smell like a dumpster, no offense. Really? Cause I don't smell it anymore. Fifty grand... dead or alive, huh? Yeah, Vinnie would lose his *** if he knew you were face to face and came up empty. Alright, look, Ricardo Manosso. Likes to be called Ranger. Call him in the morning. Ranger... What, he's an action figure? Ranger Manosso, the Lord God guru of bounty hunting. He looks like Michelangelo dipped his statue of David in caramel, strapped some heat on him. Did I catched you in the middle of a tour of duty? York it up! If it had been me who clapped Morelli I'd been sitting on fifty grand right now. - How's those fries? - Yeah, they're not bad. Excuse me, can I get some ketchup? Thanks. So I did a little recon... the guy Morelli killed, Ziggy Kuleska, he was moving ***. But you knew that already, right? Yeah, yeah. Isn't that a little *** your stomach? I could hanged up going after Morelli. I'm trying to diversify, private security, things like that. None of your business. No... Nothing? Seems a little silly, that's all. You know... food is fuel, so... You're out of your league. You need to respect that. A - He is a cop. B - He put a bullet in Ziggy Kuleska head and we don't know the circumstances. Except for C - He was off duty and he used a personal weapon with a .45 hydrashock. Do you even know what that is? It's a gun, I'm not a idiot. A bullet. Entry wound like a BB blows out a chunk the size of a potato. You even owned a gun? Is it bad if I said no? She wants to ba a badass recovery agent, she's going after Morelli. Smith & Wesson five shots. - .38 special? - Fits in nice in a purse. Look sexy. You take the gun, honey. - Enchanting in there? - Yeah! You mind if I take it for a test drive? I might like his better. Look, I got three out of five. Not bad, right? You might have put a dent in his golf swing, that's about it. I mean this one just pissed him off. He'll return fire and killed you. Verbo! Yeah, but you just got two. It's a good two but two out of how many? I'm just saying I got three out of five. Or did it ever occured to you that all my rounds went to the same 2 holes. Yeah, I don't think so. Not done. I've got him splatter. Wow. Hey listen, I'll go pay for this gun, okay. Oh no, I can't let you buy me a gun. Now Plum, don't flatter yourself, she won't sell to you. You've got no permit. You pay me back. Okay. May I keep this? Hey, I was just about to call you, You'll never believe where I am! I was shooting a gun, how hot is that? - Where are you? - In Sunny's. Ranger teach me how to shoot. He bought me a gun! Ranger... What is he, an action figure? I know, right. He's helping me with this whole bounty hunting thing so I can nail Morelli. Not nail Morelli. You know what I mean. Yeah, I know. What? He skipped bail. He's worth 50 grands. That's it! - What? - Alright... I just can't tell if you're actually in this for the money or passed this a handy excuse to chase this guy down. Yeah, I could see where this is going, so I'm going to hang up, I love you. If I'm looking for Morelli, I gotta start with his mom. I don't care if the Pope comes to the house and beat me with the stick, I will never forgive you. Not ever. I understand that, Mrs. Morelli but Joe missed his court appearance... You understand nothing. Wait till you have a child and some stone heart comes along in a car and break his legs that God gave him. Then maybe, you can stand on my step and tell me you understand. Okay, but maybe... maybe I could just give you my number, you know when... A gun? Oh Jesus, what is this world coming to! Does your mother knows that you're carrying a gun, Stephanie Plum? That went well. The only one other person who wants to find Joe Morelli that more than I do, is my old friend Eddie Gazarra. I like the new office. You're moving up in the world, Eddie... good for you. We both know why I called, so just get to the point. The point is, I was still having a bath and the phone call and tried and trying to understand. Hey, this could leave a water mark. It's laminated, Eddie. It's like water and a fake plant, relax. Maybe I'd relax but that would... Could you please get off the desk. Maybe I'd relax better if I didn't get a call from my wife. Shirley the whinner? Hey, that's my wife and your cousin, who herself got a call from Lucille Plum. Vinnie's wife? You people gotta stop gossiping, what's wrong with everybody? What's wrong is we're worried. You shouldn't be anywhere near the Morelli things. Hey, I've as much right to go after Morelli as anybody. You don't know anything about the case. I know the victim's name is Ziggy Kuleska. I know he was shot by an off-duty Morelli. I know the judge posted bail at half a mil... And I know Vinnie decided to put the money up, thinking... ahh Joe, he's not going to screw me. Wrong. He skipped as of yesterday, Morelli was holed up on the 3rd floor of the Goldcold factory with access to a borrowed car. So now he's probably long gone. - You proud yourself? - Very. Oh... and I know, he used a personal weapon, Hydrashock... with a .45. Goes in like a BB, out like a potato. So... That's what I got. - You're going after him, ain't you? - Damn skippy. This is Morelli's statement. Merry christmas and you're welcome. This is Carmen Sanchez. She is a working girl, mostly Stark Street. - Said she called him for help. - Yeah. Morelli got to her apartment, said Ziggy fired on him first. He's claiming self-defense, trouble is Carmen is not around to collaborate. Said there was another guy there. Yeah, we can't find him either. And there's zero evidence Ziggy ever had a gun. It looks bad. Okay, this will work. Hookers always felt someone to talk to. He didn't spare a dime. She looks like my parolee. - Oh, I'm all shaking now. - No, now don't go pretending to be - Yes... pretend to answer. - on the phone. - Yeah? - Hi! Anyway... You'll see how fast the law be change, if I was President. If I was the President, I'll be like this I'm changed you can believe in. My mama is bipolar? You wouldn't know how to be bipolar the way she goes bipolar all over you, you know what. - Excuse me. - I'm on the phone. I'm just... I'm looking for a girl. Oh no, you need to keep it moving. Yeah, we're strictly dickly! Good luck though. No, no, I mean... I'm looking for this girl. You know her? Carmen Sanchez. - Okay, bye. - Yeah, bye Finally! Somebody give a *** about Carmen. I need to talk to her about... about Joe Morelli. You want to talk about a cop, look where you at? It's important. I really need to talk to him. Oh girl, he got you knocked up. No! Well, I can't help you with the cop, but you want to know *** about Carmen, talk to the boyfriend. - Hey, red chick! - Yeah! Uh-huh, you better not be thinking about asking her to go for a ride. You ask me. This is my corner, see. Who is her boyfriend? Benito Ramirez. Stark Street gym. Hmm! Just like that, huh? Giving out details to the white girl. No no no, its good, I'm good. I promised. Trust me. Thank you. This gym right here? Thank you. - What's you do that for? - But... The girl was blocking my sign. Come on, come on! Give it all you've got, man! When I fought, we used brass knuckles and baseball bats, not these padded gloves, you nancy's. Hey girlscout, what happen? You lose your troops, huh. Jimmy Alpha, virile, single... met ya. How can I be of help? Stephanie Plum, recovery agent. Oh, bounty hunter, eh? Quicker picker upper. Hey, Sean... Sean! One, one... elbow! Come on! Harder! Harder! You see, all you hit is a sweet 16 pillow fight. Is there somewhere else we could go to talk? Yeah, sure. Too much of star's room for you, officer. No, no. Not an officer, not a cop. So, Mr. Alpha, I'm going after a guy named Joe Morelli. Yeah well, I don't know him. That's the truth. Actually, Joe's not the guy I'm looking for. Yeah but that's what you just said. How can I help you if you're not being honest. He killed the guy named Ziggy Kuleska. Ziggy Kuleska. You know, when I first met him, I don't know what name to make fun of first. What a ridiculous name, eh? What a dirtbag, tried to horn in on one of my deal with the fighter. Benito Ramirez? Yeah, Benito. You know, I took in Benito when he was just a kid, fourteen years old. Give him all my time, make sure he ate right, give him a place to crash. Well, I'm looking for Benito's girlfriend, Carmen Sanchez. Alright, first you looking for Morelli and then you're looking Benito, and now you're looking for Carmen. I mean, if you're trying to confuse me, you've done a great job. Just pick one. Carmen. Look, I'm going to be honest with you. Sometimes I don't even know what to do with Benito, you know what I mean? Look, I wish I could be more help to you, but I got to go. You know, I'd dropped this if I were you. Cause these guys got a taste for violence which I personally don't condone but what're you gonna do, you know what I mean. Eeeoww! Mr. Ramirez? Get up! - Who are you? - I need to ask you a few questions. You need to step into my office. Does he need help? My name's Stephanie Plum. I'm a bond recovery agent. Very fancy title. Wow! That's quite a grip. Jimmy Alpha told me to talk to you. Do you need me to beat the *** out of somebody? No, thank you, that's a very nice offer though. I'm trying to find Carmen Sanchez. We have a lot to talk about, lets go. Okay. What's your problem? You know what, I'm supposed to be meeting Sergeant Gazarro down at the station, so I'm just gonna get... If you lie to me, I'll cut you up and sold you for parts. - Oh God! - You okay? What the hell were you doing, huh? - Looking for you. - Yeah... well. Congratulations. You found me. You also blew my cover. Now stop rambling at me! - Knock it off! - Jesus christ! I'm so close to blowing your head off right now, you don't even know! - Whoa! - Who would blame me, eh! You shot an unarmed man, you skipped bail. Why're you still moving? Cause I don't think you're gonna shoot me. Think again, Morelli. I don't have to. You could have shot Ramirez back there and what did you do? You hit him with your pocket book. I on the other hand did not provoked you in anyway. As far as you're concerned, I am always provoked. Alright, correction. I have not provoked you recently, right... Steph? Come on, will you? Would you please not shoot me. It's me! Would you please not shoot me. Fine. Would you come into custody then? No... bullet! *** it! Joe! You owed me! Oh, I owed you eh? How did you figure, I saved your *** back there! My ***, I was fine. I had it handled. That guy been charged with *** three times, and all three times he walked because the vics disappeared. Yes, so consider your *** saved. You're watching Ramirez... why? - You kid me? - I gave you my gun. Come on, give me something. I will give you something... Give me something I can use. Alright, you've got one question, cause I can feel sorry for you. Hurry up, make it good. Who is Carmen? - She is my informant. - And? And in exchange for information, I protect her. I need to know what happened, I owed her that. I think Ramirez make her disappeared. I'd been watching from across the street, trying to get a read on it. Until you came along and I'd to blow the whole place up! Here, don't monkey around with that. Sweatshirt! At least you look like you're on a bond. Yeah... what can I say, I'm a wanted man. ***! Oh crap! - Who broke my window, huh? - Hey, keep your voice down! So, I gave you one question back there, right? How come you didn't asked if I'm innocent? It's for the jury, Joe. I'm just here to collect. Catch me if you can, cupcake. I think I can. We'll see about that. I'm twelve minutes late for dinner, which mean my mother's probably listening for sirens. - I'm starving. - Great. This evening we've turkey with pineapple upside down cake, your favorite. Something's up. What's Bernie Kuntz doing here, are you guys buying a new TV or something? I told his mother, his biological clock is ticking. Mom. - Hey Bernie. - Hey Steph! Long time, right! Yes, a couple of years at least. How've you been? - Good, good. And you? - Great. I like your hair. Oh thanks, it's just the same as always. I like always, so... Real good, Mrs. Plum... hmm. Thank you. So, how's the appliances business, Bernie? Booming... Stephanie... started a new job. Yeah... I did, just got a gun. Oh, she's kidding. - Oh Mom! - Five shots! Good for you. Thanks. Good for yourself. Yeah, doing the bounty hunting thing, we're going after Joe Morelli. Didn't you run him over with a car? Ugly rumor. Never happened. Morelli, eh? Really? I know the guy shot... - Ziggy something, right? - Ziggy Kuleska, yeah... that's right. I didn't know him... know him, sold him a plasma for the Superbowl's. You'd see him playing the numbers at the butcher across the street. Yeah? Which... which shop? Sal's. It's a real good business. There are the gurus at CNBC said foot traffic's dead, all's I know, I hang a sign... in my windows, all the guy's making book at Sal's buy their TVs and what-not from me. Put the gun away, Ma! On account of the signage. Put it away, don't even try. Now look what you did. - She belongs in a home. - Frank! Shut the suckering grumpy! It's like fireworks! Made in meat. Look at you. Didn't the two of you like the big green apple... It was high school. I'm going after him for the money, period! Nothing else. Dolly honey, you lacked vision. All I know, Bernie handled the evening pretty well, he hadn't wet his pants when grandma Mazur shot the turkey's *** off and he'd given me a clue to help catch Morelli. Ziggy Kuleska was a scumbag, a gambler and a crook. Not that I knew what to do with this information but at least it's something. Come on. Yeah? Someone needs to shut you up, sew up that pretty little mouth. How did you get this number? You want something bad enough, you figured out a way get it. You know it's not like I can call the police, they already think I'm in over my head. Yeah well, I'm not going to lie. It's not good that he's calling you, but it's good that he's riled up. It means he'll get sloppy. It's easy for you to say. You probably know the vulcan grip or something, all I know how to do is swing a purse. People even learn how to do stuff like this. On the fly, babe. There we go. Alright, we're looking for anything that says this guy got a lifestyles beyond his means, or links him to Ziggy. My guess is, it's already picked clean but you never know. Good luck. - You're not coming in? - No, no, no. Someone always has to have the other's one back, okay... always. It's easy for me to imagine Morelli's at home, taking showers, paying bills, breaking hearts. It's just junk. Okay... junk. - Nothing. - Damn, I know it. - Wow Plum, that's some grim ***! - Right! You know it's kind of hard to blend in a car like that. Once you're seen, you're seen. Which is why... Let's see what we got, Joe. Ooh... An Explorer, neat. - I didn't say a thing. - Alright then. Solid... hmm. ***, not again. Crap! I need cash. Okay... yes. It gonna takes longer than I thought to get Morelli, but I need to bring someone, I need money! Let's see what I've got. Clarence Samson, got drunk at the Lord and stole a police cruiser. Take a tour to the bars on Stark, he's in one of them right now. Easy money. There's like a thousands bars on Stark. It'll take forever, I need fast money, not easy money! Well, it's not gonna come knocking on your door, hon. Oh wait, this one might. William Earling, exhibitionist. He got kicked out of two retirements home for flashing his "junk". He lives in your building. Yeah, Mr. Earling! He's love reading newspaper from my hamster cage. He's a perv. Wow! That's bold. Thank you. Got this one. Well, hello there. Hey, Mr. Earling. I'm here cause I worked for your bond agent, you missed your court appeareance. So maybe you could put on a robe or something and we go get you a new court date. Court date, yes. Parole, no! I was born naked, I'm gonna die naked, and everything in between, naked! Despatch please. Yeah, I've got an FTA here, am requesting aid for the transfer of custody. Thanks. Well, I'm not too sure of what happens now, Mr. Earling and I feel really bad about that. Oh no, no, no, not that bad, put it away. What? So bad! Beep... beeping at? Oh crap! Crap! Come on. - You did not steal my car. - I was borrowing the car. - Call the cop! - This is my... Oh, *** it! This is my vehicle! It's mine for the time, Morelli. Suck it. Oh my God, is that guy naked? You'd better be wearing pants. You'd better wearing pants, pal! Aah, lighten up, son. Fresh air is good for the boy! Hey, we're headed to the Police Station now, so if you wanna follow us there, that'll be great, it would make my job a lot easier. - Open the door! - I got to go! - Great to see you! - Get out! See you soon! Come back! I think he sued his bondman, he cut you a cheque. Well, I was hoping for cash. It would really mean something. Hey Plum! You can't get Morelli naked so you're settling for him? - What's wrong with you? - This ain't no *** prize, pally! See you later, Mr. Earling. Sure I had to see an guy twig and berries, but at least it bought me a meal that didn't come in a lunch box. Hey! You want a meatball? No. Look at this. William Earling. My first FTA. Nice job. But you know, it's gonna be a lot harder to take down Morelli though, right? I mean he's good cop, probably a better felon. What is with you two anyway? Nothing, sold him a conolia in high school. Honey, half the women in Jersey sold Joe Morelli's their conolia. So I mean, you were riding around in Morelli's car, learning how to shoot gun, chased him down like a dog, it's a lot of cheap respect for a nobody. Conolia? Yeah, I gotta bounce... duty calls. Wait! I owed you some of this, for the gun. No, no. Pay me back when you're rolling in it. You know he's going to steal his car back, right? I won't counting on it. - Hey! - Hey! - That's a manly car. - I kind of deal in cars. She stole it. Look, any words on Carmen yet? I'm working on it. Hey listen, have you guys seen an old sedan sneaking around here lately? No. Would you quit giving it away for free? You just want to roll up and start asking questions. I heard you was a bounty hunter, do you make a lot of money doing that? 10% of the bond. Hey, we should changed our profession! You know what, if you want more information from Luli, you got to bring her a snack. - Done. - Alright! Bye girl. - Alright, I'll see you guys soon. - Bye-bye. Lula! A snack? You always complaining! It's hot, I am hungry! Here is a Jersey survival tip. When you remove someone's master fuse, they can't start their car. Once Morelli's stick his head under the hood, I'm gonna take him down with my pepper spray. It's gonna be awesome. This sucks. - Hello? - Hey dolly, how long til you're here? I can't come, gramp. I'm busy. She said she is busy. - Put her on the box - No gramp, don't put me on speaker. Everybody yelled when you put me on speaker... I'm making a nice big pot of stuffed cabbages, you should come home for dinner. - Worked, Ma. - You still chasing after Morelli, eh? This time I'm waiting for him to come to me. She's gonna be waiting a long time. I'm still on the phone gramp, I can hear you. Eh! of course! He send his cousin. This suck. You're so stupid. I want my car and I want it now. *** it, Morelli! Your car? God, I thought you were Ramirez. I thought you were here to kill me! Jesus! I want the keys, the master fuse, all of it, now! God. Go to hell. Kind of already there. Quit looking at my ***. Oh, come on! Actually, I was looking at your hands. I'm gonna lose my towel. Wish I could stick around. I'll be honest and trust me. I'm not proud of this but, I fantasized about being handcuff and naked in front of Joe Morelli once. Okay maybe twice. You don't have a car, cause you've too damn issues! Three words: Grand Theft Auto! Yeah? Like I said, why don't you call the police, eh? Who the hell care? How does a person eat like you eat and look like you look. You know what I don't get. Why you can't just come right on and said it, "You look great, Steph!" Gee, thanks... Joe. Cheese balls? Are you kidding me? No keys in here! You haven't seen any master fuse around, have you? Hey, why you messing my tasty cakes, eh? - Why did you take my vehicle? - To draw you out, Obviously it worked. You're naked and shivering in a tub, you're not capable of drawing me out, Plum. Just remember that. You know what, keep the wheels, I don't give a ***. No... Joe, no! I am taking the towel! Not as great, you can have it back. - Damn it, Joe! - Sorry. - Leave it there for ya. - Great... thanks. - You looked pretty by the way! - Gee... thanks, Joe! Oh crap! If I call my mother, she will just send my father, and well, that'll be awkward Come here now. Come. There is only one person I know who would have a handcuff's key. He could be here in 10 minutes. Sorry, fellas. Are you in danger? Sort of, not exactly. - I'm busy. - I'm naked. I'll be right there. - How did he get in? - Picked the lock. - How did you get in? - Picked the lock. - Really, that easy? - Vulnerable more like it. Look, get yourself a couple of dead bolts. Locked that *** up. - Thank you. - Yeah. So that's two guys in one night, that'd seen me naked and walk away. Should I be worried? Eddie, thanks for coming. - Make it quick, I only got a sec. - Yeah. - How's that? Hey, its my... - Yeah... S.O.C - Scene of the Crime. Someone watching too much TV. Lots of stuff going on. Right around the Shaw. This is where Carmen lives, she is missing, she gets an X. Ziggy's dead. He gets an X. And over here - is Stark Street gym. Jesus Christ! You teaching me how to be a cop? No, cause I don't think being a cop is all that hard, got more resources. It's being a bounty hunter on the other hand, another story. Anyway, I'm noticing a pattern. You dragged me over here... You know what, I've work to do. Lots of X's piling up on Shaw. Just saying. Either way, no one's talking to the cops out there. Good thing I am not a cop. If Eddie wasn't going to follow the X's, I was. It lead me right to Carmen's apartment. Scene of the Crime. What! You think we're gonna steal your car? It's not even mine. Knocked yourself out. Carmen. Morelli's missing informant. Funny, no pictures of the boyfriend. Maybe she didn't like Ramirez that much after all. Why did you think you do all these things, huh? Stupid ***! That's a pretty fancy truck for this neighborhood. Hey buddy. - Your's? - My daughter's, I am baby-sitting. You shouldn't be in here, papito. You too, me neither... none of us should be in here. Can I ask you some questions, about the night Carmen's disappeared? I don't know anything. Actually I'm going after the cop, who shot the unarmed man. I still don't know anything. But I know someone who does. Talk to her. Nope. She's going after the cop! So, around the corner, I got a bottle of whiskey, Bye guys, I have enough kushi, I am all about to chill, eh! *** - A gun! And I'm like... Oh ***, and that's what I said! What's his face... - Morelli? - Yeah, yeah, yeah... the cop, right? Yeah... and he's standing there with his gun and ***. And I'm like... Bone him with my bottle of Jack's. Right on the cop head. And then... That's when the flat nose guy came up, right! No... wait, wait, what do mean, what flat nose guy? The flat nose guy. Oh my God, dude! Dude flew by me like a freaking snow leopard, right! He couldn't wait to get out of there when he heard the freaking sirens. - That's when the cops came? - Yeah. One more question. The guy with the bullet hole in his head, gun or no gun? No gun. - Okay, one more question. - Okay, you already said that. I know. Did you see Carmen Sanchez at all that night, I mean at all? No, nothing. - One more question. - Okay... You gotta stop saying that please! I gotta know... the snake... Carbo, wasted. Well, woke up and it was there. What you gonna do? It's harsh, you know. - I'm sorry, just one second. - Okay. - What's up? - What you doing? - Making ravioli in my high heels. - What're you doing? Got an FTA for you, ready to have some fun? - Tell her... yes! - You can hear that? Ninja ears! Lonnie Dodd, expect to see another cobs, skinny, shirtless trademark. Got it. I got to call in to Ranger for backup. I've got this. - I know but just in case. - Okay. Hey, hey! You're talking to Steph? She got any lock with Morelli? What's happening with that? Hey, Connie! Connie! How come you never listened to me? All you do is, you do that. - Who are you? - Stephanie Plum. Plum? Vincent Plum? Get out of here! Oh no, no, hold on! - Really? - Truely. In that case, come on in! - My gun. - My gun?! Crap! Hey! Come on now, Lonnie, nice and easy. Alright, you know the drill. Come out in slow mo, now. Cause you and me, we're gonna go inside, grabbed your shirt. You're coming with me. 125 pounds of angry female can do a lot of damage. Who's my ***? Hoo... yeah, I saw that on TV. Okay, 130 tops. Ranger, when did you get here? About 30 seconds before your hillbilly shot me. - What? - Yeah. Wait a second, is that your gun? I totally get now why he's always wearing kevlar. - Here. - Jesus. - Here, cuffed this guy. - I'm so, so sorry. - That's okay. - Not you! Got it? I've already called 911, there's a squad car on the way. Yup. And I've got to bounce. I got a date with the bad guy. - Good luck, Plum. - Thank you! - Yeah. - I'm sorry. He's yours. No, I don't think you understand. He got shot with the gun he bought me! You're hyperventilating. Steph, you should relax. Get yourself a little snack or something. A snack? That's your advice? That's always my advice. A snack wasn't a bad idea actually. And as long as I was there, I grab one for Lula too. - What have you brought? - Iced Coke. Hey, what you want? I'm talking to my friend here, go around! Go around! Now what was your questions, sweety? Look, I don't want to get anybody into trouble... What kinda game you playing? See, the first thing come to mind, that's all. Just the first thing. A truck, orange with stripes. Step away, Lula, don't... - Ramirez. - No, no, no! - Damn, I knew it! - God... Almighty, would you please stop talking to this girl. - I think I pissed her off. - That's just her. You know we got this good cops, bad cops things going. Except we are hookers. Stop talking! Go away B, this ain't your hive. - You see? - Yeah, hold on a second. - Hey. - Hey... You talked to a guy name Cho this morning? He was the first one on the scene. The guy is a real riot, why? Well, he's just took a dive from a 4 storey window. Heard it on the scanner. Hold on a second. Anyway, might have been an accident. No, absolutely not. Somebody killed him. It also might be punishment for talking to you because they shot Plum. You've got enemies you can't see, you need to lay low. - Are you listening to me? - I am, I am. - I've got to run. - Okay, thank you. - Don't mentioned it. - See you soon. I've been on the job three days, and I have already been attacked by a psychopathic fighter. I got Ranger shot, and now Cho was dead. On top of all that, I was nowhere close to finding Carmen and bringing in Morelli. Umm... No? Later then. ***. Oh... Lula! Lula! Oh... Lula. Oh God, I'm so sorry, I am gonna get you help, okay? Hey! Hey, somebody help me! You've been here all day waiting for MRI and ***. Go home. You've got better thing to do than waiting for Lula drastic *** to be discharged. Huh, look at this fool! Look, I just wanted to apologize for one of my kickers. I don't like when this sort of thing happened, you know. I mean the way he treats women, I don't know what's the matter with him. I mean... I mean, I knew he's crazy, I just didn't know he was psycho, that's all. Yeah, I don't think we're the ideal audiences to be complaining to. Oh Jesus, Lula, I'm so sorry... I mean... Nobody told me. Did he break anything? Here, this... this are for you. I'll pay for all the bills. Oh, Jimmy Alpha! Take these stink-*** flowers! - No, you gave it to me. - She's gonna be fine. Oh yeah. I'm not excusing him or nothing but just take a day before you pressed charges, alright. He can't take another assault charges, you know what I'm saying here. You called me on these. If he bothers you or anything, you call me. You call me right away, okay? Ooh... sorry, I'm sorry. - Alright, help me on up. - Alright. Come on. - Let me... - Oh, watch your arm. - Okay! - Okay. Okay, alright. Just watch yourself. - Get some rest. - Alright. See you all later. This may have have started with Morelli and the 50 grands, but it wasn't about that anymore. Now, it's personal. You got to put some guys on the Stark. Ramirez just beat the hell out of a friend of mine, he killed John Cho and Rosa Gomez is next, Eddie. - She's got a little kid with her... - Woh, woh... You've got to do something. Nobody killed John Cho. This guy a variety pot-head. No noticed, so he's just hardly a blip on the radar. He was smart and funny! He saw the whole thing go down. He talked to me, Eddie. And he's dead! Calm down. How're you not seeing these? Rosa Gomez is next! Mark my words... they talk, they died! Do something! If he's coming after me, I am looking for a fight. It's okay, Steph. I... I need your help. You look like you could eat something. Come on. Sorry, bro. Wow! Nicely done. Thank you. I saw you hang in there. And... I'll be candid. - Your hamster eats better than you. - Not tonight, he doesn't. Not tonight. - You've got a nine millimeter Glock? - Yeah, service pistol. You still got it? I am still a cop. Can't take it away if they can't find me. It's just a matter of time. You know that, right? The villagers are lighting their torches. It doesn't hurt that you're dead or alive proposition. Phew! Wow, there it is, eh? There is no evidence that anyone was shooting at you. No bullets in the walls, the doors jammed. No powder on Ziggy's hands, no gun! No one left alive, just dead one way or another. - What do you expect? - I don't expect anything! What I want is to find Ziggy's gun, to prove it misfired. It's kinda hard with the pile of casts I'm about to tell you. You know what I am saying. Look! I'm going to go out on a limb here and say that, you don't want to share the reward or the credit with anybody else. I can help you with that. I'm listening. The only person with ties to both Carmen and Ziggy is Ramirez, right. Everyone else is dead. Well, there was one other guy, but... He didn't happen to have a flat nose, did he? ***... Plum, nice. - We got to draw Ramirez out. - Ooh, that's a big we. I'm not going to be bait so you can moved out of your van, Joe. No offense, but you can't bring him in without my co-operation. I'm bigger, stronger and a lot meaner than you. Plus, you know... I'd rather be shot than go in before I'm ready. So, you need my help with this, Plum. Believe it. $50,000 changes my world. Alright, I'm in! But, I think we both know that the money is secondary. Keep flappering your lips. I'm in it for the cash. Oh, that's a lie! It's a lie. See a little vein in your neck, it's pulsing. You want to be the one. Its okay, you got it made. Ancient history. Like the pyramids, baby. You look like hell, by the way. I've been waiting a long time to say that. I mean it. Wanna say that again? No. You'll have to take a bath, I don't have a shower curtain. You can stay here if you want. No one has been this nice to me in a long, long time. I know. Okay. - Good night. - Good night. Yo! Rise and shine, bad ***! - Did you sleep? - Yeah, like a rock. Yeah, me too. Stand up. Lift your shirt. Wow, not even a please, huh? Actually, just take it off. Please. - Come on, strictly professional! - Yeah... Look, it's a wire, okay! It's our best option. Pretty round. Thank you. Best option for what? Best option, in case someone start talking to you. Have it on tape, because... You know, for whatever reason people talked to you, you've got it wired. Stand still, will you! I highly doubt anybody gonna comes out and incriminated themselves to me on tape. I adjust the mike to record you. Excuse me. So I can hear you. So I know you are safe. That's it. - Who knows I am here? - No one. I swear to God. Whoever he is, get rid of him. Hello, I am Morty Beyers. Can I come in for a second? Actually, I was... uhm... - Yeah, sure. - Thank you. Uh-huh! - Am I intruding? - No. - God... no! - Well, I... I need my files back. When Morelli skipped, it was mine. That's my pay day. But they gave it to me, so... Yeah, because I was sick, but now I'm better. A tiny little scar. No stitches. Laparoscopic. Take a cam, burrow right down in there... - It's quite something. - It's great. So here is the deal. I'm taking Morelli. Vinnie is not going to care which one of us brings him in. But I care, and I can't help but noticed that his Explorer is parked down there. I'm just trying to draw him out. That's smart, very smart. How's that working for you? Nothing yet, but... Got eyes on him? A couple of times. Found him on Stark. I am asking you nice. I need you to step away. - Yeah, I can't do that. - That's funny. Because last I heard you were selling underpants at Macy's. You're not really exactly qualified, are you? Well, then you should have nothing to worry about, right. - Okay, I was just leaving anyway. - Alright... thanks for stopping in. Sure. And, no hard feeling when I... when I bring him in. Naw, no hard feelings. That's good cause you never had a shot anyway. Nice! That was weird. Check your purse. Think he took your keys. Oh... damn it! He did! God's gonna get you for this you, Morty Beyers! Screwed God! Well, I told them. They blew up our car! - Excuse me, whose car? - Your car. You want it back? Oh... Morty. Obviously I realize that the chances of these being an accident is of course slim. And that the chances of it being meant for me were large. Okay, so you think Morty Beyers is roasted in Morelli's car, because he pissed of God. Just a theory, one of many. Kidding aside, you do realised Morty Beyers was not the intended here. You've given it any thought? Building on the corner of Shaw's mining, up in flames. Four alarms. - It's Rosa Gomez. - Let's go. - I'll meet you there. - Okay. - No Madam, you're not going in. - Eddie! - Let her through... - Alright, go on. I was in a panic on the drive over until Eddie's called to tell me, he moved Rosa and Carmen's kids out the night before. They were saved. - Hello? - Where the hell are you, Plum? Carmen's building. It's a real mess up here. Lot of cops around, anyone you want me to say 'hi' to? Who you talking to? My Grandma. She loves a good bonding. What're you gonna do? - Okay, one mile tops. - What're you talking about? Your transmitter. If I can't hear you, I can't help you. We got to stay within a mile of each other. Now I've gotta burn this phone after I made this call, and I can't get a new one. So you got to keep letting me know where you are. Well... if you gotta know, I'm headed over to the Bernie Kuntz's home hardwares, and pick up a new shower curtain cause some *** went and ruined mine. Okay, okay... that's close. Meet me over in Stark, when you're done playing house with Bernie's. Oh boy... I can't wait. Okay, nice talking to you too. - Molotov cocktail into the apartment. - Oh God. I want you to know. You saved two people by being screaming lunatic. Thanks Eddie. I told you, eh? I am always right. You should know this by now. So, let's see here. It's a nice array of shower curtains there, huh? Yeah, you've got quite a selection. Most women gravitate toward the florals but I'm thinking you're more checkerboard of sort's. Heh... this guy kills me. It's nice to see you Bernie, how you doing? Quite good, you too. I got... sliding doors. Yeah, chicks loves sliding doors, Bernie. Guest bath imbued is real nice. Oh yes, Sal's getting a fresh catch. Hey, you should go over there and get yourself a nice piece of fish. A friend of Ziggy, if you remember me saying. Yeah, yeah... I do remember. - So, what is it gonna be... - This was the flat nose guy. Holy crap! The only witness that could prove Ziggy had a gun and Morelli was no murderer. - Huh? - You... Oh, oh... um... I'm going with the flowers. Okay. - I'll bring it up if you want or... - Oh yeah... I'm sorry, I'll be right back. Good, yeah! Come on back, come on back. I'm sweating. Morelli, I think I found your missing witness. He's at Sal's butcher shop. Hey, it's a cop. Cool it, Steph. Playing it cool is not my strong suite but I cannot blow this. - Those flounders just in. - Good to know. Good to know. So you must be Sal. Sal's on Hancock. That's where we are. - That's me. Alright, I've got it... Plum. Don't make it obvious. - You're a big cook? - Huge. - Liar. - Right. I got to deliver. You want it in the locker? Yeah, yeah! But go through the back, would you? Christ, amaze at this guy. Where were we? Cod is better than haddock, not as good as the sea bass. - Who's that? - Who is who? That guy that just walked by, you know... with the flat nose? Louis or something, he worked for a distributor in Philly. Hang on a second. Hey! When you're finish, there's two barrels back there by the door. One's heavy, so used dolly, roll it, whatever it takes, just get it out of here, alright? What's he taking? What's in the barrels? Who's asking? Arr.. you know, I'm gonna just go with that flounder, it looks pretty good. Morelli, why don't you listen to me? Where are you? You'd better get to that crappy van in gear because this flat-nose guy is loading barrels onto the truck as we speak. - Get here! - Okay. Hey, he's closing up the shop. Let's go. Move it. Oh, he's getting into the truck with flat-nose. You getting any of this, Joe... huh? I'm going to follow them. I hope you're with me. We are heading west on junction 70. Hey! Move! We're getting off at exit four. Joe, you better be following me. I'm losing you, Steph. Damn. I found them. They parked their truck at the Pachetko Marina. I don't see anybody though. Jesus... Morelli, why couldn't you've pick up another phone? - Should have waited! - Jesus, Morelli! God. - It's a drop. Nobody's in it. - Yup. See that? ***. So Sal's boat was moving ***? No, Sal's boat was moving ice and sugar, what do you think?! God, you don't have to be an *** about it! Well, don't be stupid! I'm not being stupid! I haven't seen *** before. Clearly you have. I said that! It's ***. It's the truck! Let's go. These are the barrels that holed up at the butcher shop. Oh God! Oh God! Don't puke, you'll wrecked the crime scene. Hey! Let's call the police. No, not yet. Damn it, Morelli, we had a deal! You were going to let me bring you into custody, once we found the missing witness! No... well, in case you didn't notice my mission witness is dead, and I'm pretty sure Carmen is too. So unless you find Ziggy's gun somewhere, I'm fresh out of luck. Now, give me some light please. Oh! Oh my... - Carmen? - Yeah. Her body was in Sal's this whole time. Listen! They tried to hide the body when they got shot. Okay, that's it. I am calling the police. Jesus... Stephanie, come on. I am the police! - Arrr! - Jesus. - Is that Ramirez? - Yeah. That just great. Wow... Oh... Oh, I got a gun! I forgot I got a gun! Lipstick, Keys... - Stephanie, do something! - Huh! Oh my God! I know it's here! Oh... I found it! Arrr... - Can you move over? - Shoot him. No, you're swinging him away! I can't get a clear shot! I'm not comfortable with this! - You're not comfortable? - I don't like this. You know what? - I got something better! - Something better for who? I'll find it. - Stephanie! Argh... - I got it! Hold on! Hold him tight, Morelli! Arrr! You alright? Woo... Pepper spray, eh? That was nice. - Thanks. - Yeah, you're welcome. Okay. I got this, you find the guns. Guns. Okay. Oh... Jimmy! Mr. Alpha. Thank God you're here! Your guy Ramirez... Morelli and I come down here and we just heard a couple of shots and I'm pretty sure he killed these two people. We just got here and found him. Alright Bopeep, yeah. I want you to go cuffed officer Romeo's over there. Come on. To the rail. Come on! Now! Come on, hurry up! What're you doing! And move away. Good, good, good, good. Alright, this guy walks into a gym and it's Ziggy Kuleska. And he said to me, he says... "Hey, you can make a tons of money moving ***!" And I'm thinking, "Absolutely not, man!" You don't know me from Adam, but I'm a decent guy, you know, I'm always trying to do the right thing. But I got to do what I got to do to hang in there. So... Now I'm in charge of money. Ziggy's in charge of the dope, we gave Ramirez to enforce. And all of a sudden we get wind that Carmen is talking to the cop, that dirty ratting ***! She knew better! And I know she called you for help that night. Well, you should have stay at home. Cause she was already dead when you got there. You know that, right? So I'm going to tell you two how this is going to go down, okay. See... my boy Ramirez here is going to come to. Come on, Ramirez. Come on, get up! He's going to rough you guys up a little. Right, he's going to rough you up alot. Then I'm going to finish everybody off. Lots of prints, lots of guns, and we're gonna pinned it on him. And the great thing about it is, I'm gonna walked out a hero. You got that? What? What's the matter with you? You are not feeling so good no more, beautiful, eh? What... You want to use the cam, eh? Ugh! Argh! You... okay? Ah... Jesus... Steph, you've been hit! Thanks... Einstein. You know... It's too bad. You know, cause... it's a pretty nice ***. Morelli, you've got to come up with some better material. Don't think that you're gonna to make it, cupcake. Come over here and help me out with this, will ya? Steph? What? Cuffs? Steph? Stephanie? Plum? Don't you even think about it! Steph! No! No, no, no! Open the door! Open it! Open the door, I am telling you! Open the door! Ah... you'd it coming, cupcake! I have to leave Alpha because I didn't have the stomach to drive him in the cab with me. And there was no way, I would open that truck's door again. I figure if Ramirez woke up, Joe would have the upper hand. Plus, it might be good for him to channel all that rage, - Despatch, please. - into someone other than me. - Despatch! - Yeah. I've got two dead bodies, a hit man, an FTA, and a bullet in my ***. I'm requesting neighbourhood transfer. I got Joe Morelli. Fortunately, Alpha bullet only tore into some unnecessary butt fat. So, I can enjoy my victory laugh without too much pain. - Meat truck? - Yeah, bad luck with cars. There you go. Joe Morelli, armed and pissed! Go ahead! You and your *** freak show! What's wrong with you eh? Jesus Christ! Why did you go locked me in a truck full of dead bodies for? Fifty thousand dollars! Told you a million times! And, you handcuffed me to my shower rod! - Naked! - Ha ha... ha ha... Pay back sucks, suck up Morelli. It's not over. - No? - Not yet! Can't wait to see what you got. Enjoy your perk-off! - Soon, baby. - Uh-huh! Uh-huh! For what it's worth... the wire. Jimmy Alpha confessed. Morelli is clean. Keep him on ice for awhile, will you. Let him cool his boots. Jesus! He's so mad. - I could have taken a cab. - Now, baby... come on. You got shot. Union said I got to send you right home. Oh yeah, I'm starving... You know, the hospital gave me oatmeal and juice. Can you believe that? Five clean shots to Jimmy Alpha's heart. Five... it's not easy to do, I'm impressed. Medical examiner send his regards by the way. And Ramirez? He spilled his guts. He'll be a big hit in prison. - What about Morelli? - He's out and about. Ziggy's gun was found under Carmen's body. Ziggy's prints was frozen on it. Proved he was armed when Morelli shot him. So, it was a clean kill. - He would be coming after me next. - Oh... - ***! Getting shot is a ***! - Yeah. Getting stab is worse. I'm just saying. Pretty good for someone who's just got shot. - Alright, here we go. - Thank you. For someone who's just got shot, what is that? She looks good, end of story. You don't add-on for someone who's just got shot. It wrecks the compliment. Real bad. Yeah, somebody need to teach Mr. Bond with some manners! I guess the interview went well? Oh... yeah girl. Mr. Plum need some assistant. Oh, this is gonna be good. - Don't spend it all in place. - Yeah, whatever you say... Vinnie. - Hey, Steph! - Yup? I'd hear Morelli is looking for you. Yeah? I heard he was out. That's good, that's a good thing. This is gonna be interesting, eh? Hey! Get back to work. Hey... get back to work. Both of you! Go! Go... come on! Jesus... I got two of them. Plum. Morelli. I... I saw this... and thought of you. Okay, if he can let go of a grudge, so can I. Plus, I'm not going to say no to a cupcake.